disappointment

Interestingly, I am not generally affected by the topic at hand. At least not in the classical sense of the word. This subject to me has more to do with our own thought processes. What I do find challenging however, is the constant comparisons that we all make between what our lives are and what we wish our lives were.

Most people, I think, have some vision of what they expected out of life. And I further believe that most people have created a life that closely resembles that vision. Disappointment comes when a person notices some part of life that does not mimic the vision of their own ideals.

Disappointment can indeed lead to depression. It is this sort of disappointment that we see in middle aged folks who don't feel as though they've lived up to their vision of what a parent should be, or where their career was supposed to go, or their finances. The factors are as wide ranging and unique as the people who experience it.

When you were a child, you had a vision already. What did you want to be when you grew up? Where did you want to live? Even if we don't all remember our own story, we certainly can empathize with somebody. Children of the fifties and early sixties looked forward to hovercrafts and electric cars. My wife knew that she wanted to teach kindergarten. I knew that I wanted to build hot rods. At one time I dreamt of being an architect.

But life sometimes seems to get in the way of one or more parts of that childhood vision. Again, the things that block some part of them are as varied and numerous as grains of sand at the beach. There comes a point for everybody at which they will settle for less of the dreams gone by in order to gain more of the dreams of the moment. There are many people who choose to get married and settle down rather than to chase something that their inner 2nd grader wants.

Just in case you are wondering, I would never change the life that I have. I have gushed in prior posts about how truly good my life is. But yet, you seem to find yourself disappointed more often than you might like.

Personally, I thought that I would be farther along in my career by now. I think that everybody thought they would have more money. And that's what I mean to address with tonight's post.

Don't ever for a minute think that your life isn't good enough. The point at which you make that move is the exact moment that you start to take things for granted. And when you start to take things for granted, you will inevitably cause distress to those around you. People take their spouse for granted, and go looking for greener pastures. People take family for granted and don't give enough time to their kids. This one in particular causes many parents great heartache later in life, because you never ever can get that time back.

Some of the happiest people that I know are those who are content with who they are and where their life has taken them. They are also some of the rarest people Ive met. These are the people who have pride in what they do. They have pride in what they've done, and they also have pride in what they are going to do.

You all know that guy. The one who coaches the little league team. He is intimately involved in the lives of his kids. Every day. This is the guy who can be seen hauling 5 kids to games in his rusted out Astro Van. That guy is almost never very wealthy. He almost always has some sort of a blue collar job, not the kind that little kids dream of doing when they grow up.

But that guy also seems to always have a good relationship with his wife. His yard always seems to be at least mowed. And he doesn't usually seem to be distracted by some thought of regret rattling around in his head. There are those of us who seem to spend an awful lot of time chasing some dream, and then there are those who are aware enough to realize that the dream is all around them.

Did you ever notice how this relates to the consumerism in our country? It is almost as if we feel that by acquiring stuff we will somehow get closer to our childhood goals. We always want to have the newest, best, fanciest, most prestigious things.

For my own part, the juxtaposition is evident. I said earlier the things that have given me disappointment. But yet, when I talked about the childhood dreams, did I mention anything about those factors? What I said was that I wanted to build hot rods. Oddly, I am in the middle of building one. And further, it isn't the first one Ive done. Matter of fact, I have honed those abilities to a pretty good level already. I've created some pretty silly contraptions in my life at this point, which has more to do with what I said i dreamt about than it does with the things that disappoint me.

Again, the comparisons of life. Joe makes more money than I do. Pete has a better house. John's car is faster. Ed has a cushier job. Steve's wife is home more. I would wager that you have made some of these yourself. I know that I have. And yet, I have written before about the amount of freedom that toys can take away from you.

It is these comparisons that drive depression many times. We seem to build our expectations up to a point of being unobtainable. We take them out of reach. And then we don't understand why we haven't gotten there yet. I'm not knocking ambition here, just pointing out that ambition is nothing if we aren't able to enjoy the life that we do have. Of course it's ok to want more.

When was the last time you heard of that middle aged guy who regretted not having nice enough cars? Or the big house? You have not heard a country singer lament about his truck not being new enough. It is always a story of lost love, missed chances, time not well enough spent with loved ones. There was even one that I remember encouraging the listener to feed his dog if he died.

Once again, and as always, the key to tonight's subject seems to be the setting of yourself aside for those around you. If it isn't about you, you are sure to be happy in what you've done. And you wont be disappointed with the results.

Deception

How well do you know anybody. Pick somebody, decide for yourself. How well do you reallllly know the inner workings of a person? Try to decide about your spouse. Your neighbor. Your sibling. A coworker.
The fact is, you know your friends and acquaintances in much the same way that science has been developed. Evidence.
I remember my seventh grade science class perhaps better than any other science class. The whole year was spent towards the final exam; which is not unusual at all. In this class, however, we were to be given a test tube of miscellaneous stuff and the test was based on how well we experimented to determine what the stuff was made of.
We used every bit of the chemical science that we had been taught and had experimented with through the year. density, color, odor, flammability, interactions with other chemicals, you get the idea.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is much the same way that you know the hearts of those around you. None of us has a magic truth serum. We cant read minds. And so we are relegated to that seventh grade device of observing the evidence. The best definition of deception is to me the picture of reality going against the evidence.
When your best friend wrongs you in some way. A close business partner turns out to be stealing from you. Your spouse cheats. You can feel free to add examples of your own.
All conversations regarding the situation seem to include the words "you never would have thought" or "nobody could have imagined."
When it is plainly seen that somebody is not on your side, there is no deception. It does not surprise you when your competition tries to eat your lunch. You are not surprised when your enemy tries to hurt you.
But when you have entrusted somebody with something, based on the evidence, and the evidence turns out to have been false, it always comes as a shock.
Oddly, and what is a bit fascinating, is the fact that the only way our evidence is usually proven wrong is through the examination of new evidence. The world was flat until evidence to the contrary came to light. Your secretary was trustworthy until you found records to indicate they were stealing. your friend was true and blue until you heard what he said behind your back. It never fails that evidence is true until its falseness becomes evident.
This is by the way how innocent people go to jail. Not enough evidence. Think about being framed for something. Those framing you would allow only so much evidence to come to light as it takes for a conviction. Any more and you might be proven innocent.
In short, be sure to examine and find all of the evidence before you decide that you aren't being deceived. you might be surprised at the true intentions of those you trust.