I have two sons.
As hard as I might try, I fear that I may wake up one day and realize that I have not done enough as a father for them. I spend hours at night, when i should be sleeping, scared to death that I will fail to show or guide them down the path that they should follow. Worse, I find myself continually worried that they will find the wrong one no matter how hard I try.
When I think about the possibilities of these outcomes, I am in AWE of my own father and mother. My parents somehow managed to raise three kids. None of us were ever in trouble. We always had part time jobs in high school, and we've all turned out to be good citizens and parents. I asked my dad the other day how he did it. asked my father in law the same question. I got the same answer from both. I dont know how that happened. I was guessing.
Guessing Sucks.
Something changes in you when you realize you are a parent. I read in the papers about a child dying in one way or another, and i go to tears. ( i know, wimpy right?) not just a little. Ive gone into sobbing fits int he car just thinking about it. I cant imagine. We want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, etc.
I want more for my kids. I want my kids to "get it." I know plenty of highly successful people who are empty inside. Sometimes I qualify. Although i dont want my kids to be destitute; I do want them to follow whatever dreams they may have.
This is just the preface.
I have three friends, IT Guy, Iowan and Foose. I would call them my buddies but Iowan has long since outlawed the term for reasons I wont explain here. All three of these guys are heroes.
We'll start with IT Guy. Here is a guy who met a girl. They were young. She had a baby. SO, unlike anybody i knew at the time, he became Dad to another mans child. WE call him the dude. Dude is just about 16 now. AND IT guy and his wife have done very well.
Im like that too-fun-loving uncle to the dude. We are talking about an honor roll kid. Runs for the team like the wind. kicks the old mans ass at madden at random. I offered him a beer once while his parents were away. Wouldnt do it. IT guy did a great. A great job. Being a dad to a kid that shares everything but his blood.
Hero.
Foose takes little man with him everywhere. They get bored, they go bumming. Little Man is welcome at any gathering that Foose finds himself at . Its like he has his own mini-me. Im not saying im a fan of everything that the kid gets exposed to; But Id rather the kid got exposed to it with his daddy right there with him than not.
Foose always seems to move the kid through things about a year before I would dare do it with my son, but then he only has the one, where I have one the same age as Little Man, and then one two years younger. puts me in a quandary. Even if i think that Turtle might be ready for something, Tank is there. Tough call.
But this guy is raising his son to be one of the guys.
Hero.
Iowan. The big brother I never had. Last night i watched him literally coo at my 10 week old daughter, his godchild. This is a big, tough farmer type guy we're talking about. Cooing. Completely in love with my daughter. I have watched him and his teenage daughter give each other shit to no end and laugh their collective asses off about it. One of the things that i fear most in this parenting nonsense is losing touch with the kids when they hit middle school.
I fear losing touch with my kids because it becomes paralyzing to a relationship. It can be so hard for a parent and child to relate again after that. And I know that those years in particular are likely the most important time for a parent and child to be able to relate.
Hero.
I guess we all just make it up as we go along. But each of these friends of mine deserve a little respect and recognition for what they are doing with their kids. All of them have different circumstances, Different lives, different incomes. The trick is that they all have managed to be successful and effective parents.
I am continually impressed my my friends. I never imagined that I would be encompassed by a group of people who are as caring, loving, and as generally kick ass to hang out with as they are. I never thought that I would have the privilege to know Men who so genuinely cared about their families and their friends.
Yesterday Tank accused me of having too many friends. When I asked him what he meant, he told me I was always dragging him and Turtle along to go help somebody or hang out with someone. Somehow the fact that my first grader picked up on the deep, solid level of my friendships makes it that much more important. I only hope that he gets to have friends like this at my age.
It truly is a blessing to have heroes for friends.
Out.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Zooming In
I don't claim to be a scientist.
And I swear that the following thoughts are entirely original. So if its been done before, oh well.
I played today with google earth. For those of you who aren't savvy to it, Google Earth is a collection of satellite photographs which basically allow you to zoom in on any part of the planet that you like. For instance, when I zoomed in today on my house, I got good enough resolution on the picture to tell you that Thelma, (my 64 Plymouth Convertible) was in the driveway.
This is an amazing technology. What it got me thinking about was the nature of light.
You see, when I was in college, I took a class called Theoretical Physics. Pretty sure i earned a "C" or worse in the class. I didn't get it. But one of the ideas that we talked about was Light.
You see, there is an ongoing debate going on about whether light is a wave, like sound, or whether it is a series of particles, i believe that is called photon theory or something similar, not sure. The basis of the debate is based on behaviors that are and can be induced, into the behavior of the things that we can see.
Google Earth. Something as far away as outer space can gain enough resolution for me to be able to discern which of my cars is in my driveway in Valders.
Ever looked through a high-powered rifle scope? Something you cant even see with your so-called naked eye becomes crystal clear and in detail. Exactly my point.
The question at hand tonight is as follows: How does light work?
How is it that an image can become blurry, vague, silhouetted, to the point that our eyes can only see some of it, but yet we can magnify it and then see all of the details? Does this mean that given enough optics, and a field of range allowing us to see it, that we can read anybody's license plate on the planet? Obviously the evidence says yes.
But how does that work? Because it was there all along.
you see, what it seems to point out to me is something that seems to hold true in all of life. Whatever it is that a person is trying to see, trying to accomplish, trying to learn; given enough time, effort, and desire, will show itself to have been there all along.
Light does not disappear over distance. It only becomes obscured by other light. Given enough focus, and the correct optics, those fine details just at the horizon can be brought to, well, brought to light. The details become clear, and the license plate can be read.
The same i think holds true for the rest of our lives. With the right combination of attitude and work, the seemingly impossible becomes attainable.
Its time to zoom in.
And I swear that the following thoughts are entirely original. So if its been done before, oh well.
I played today with google earth. For those of you who aren't savvy to it, Google Earth is a collection of satellite photographs which basically allow you to zoom in on any part of the planet that you like. For instance, when I zoomed in today on my house, I got good enough resolution on the picture to tell you that Thelma, (my 64 Plymouth Convertible) was in the driveway.
This is an amazing technology. What it got me thinking about was the nature of light.
You see, when I was in college, I took a class called Theoretical Physics. Pretty sure i earned a "C" or worse in the class. I didn't get it. But one of the ideas that we talked about was Light.
You see, there is an ongoing debate going on about whether light is a wave, like sound, or whether it is a series of particles, i believe that is called photon theory or something similar, not sure. The basis of the debate is based on behaviors that are and can be induced, into the behavior of the things that we can see.
Google Earth. Something as far away as outer space can gain enough resolution for me to be able to discern which of my cars is in my driveway in Valders.
Ever looked through a high-powered rifle scope? Something you cant even see with your so-called naked eye becomes crystal clear and in detail. Exactly my point.
The question at hand tonight is as follows: How does light work?
How is it that an image can become blurry, vague, silhouetted, to the point that our eyes can only see some of it, but yet we can magnify it and then see all of the details? Does this mean that given enough optics, and a field of range allowing us to see it, that we can read anybody's license plate on the planet? Obviously the evidence says yes.
But how does that work? Because it was there all along.
you see, what it seems to point out to me is something that seems to hold true in all of life. Whatever it is that a person is trying to see, trying to accomplish, trying to learn; given enough time, effort, and desire, will show itself to have been there all along.
Light does not disappear over distance. It only becomes obscured by other light. Given enough focus, and the correct optics, those fine details just at the horizon can be brought to, well, brought to light. The details become clear, and the license plate can be read.
The same i think holds true for the rest of our lives. With the right combination of attitude and work, the seemingly impossible becomes attainable.
Its time to zoom in.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Eyes on the Prize
Tonight's thought may end up to be a winding road; but then again; aren't they all?
As you know, I enjoy power sports.
One of my favorite parts of power sports is trail riding. And one of the best places to ride that I'm aware of is in what we refer to as "the north woods" of our state. As you can imagine, in that part of the area, the trails that we ride can get very narrow, and run through the trees.
Be it a snowmobile or an ATV, running the trails around here means that you are moving at a relatively high rate of speed sometimes within inches of the trees on the side of the trail. Yes, it can be dangerous. But there is a trick to avoiding injury. Don't look at the trees.
See, when you ride these trails, you have to constantly train your mind to watch the spaces between the obstacles around you. You are constantly looking to the next curve in the trail and beyond. The tree that you just passed is just beyond the hole between the trees that you were looking at two corners ago. The old saying is to not look at the trees coming up, or you will hit them. As long as you keep your focus on the space between the obstacles as far ahead as you can see, you will likely make your way cleanly down the trail. Anybody who has ever raced anything will give you a similar example; from motorcycles, to cars, to go-karts.
Downhill skiers use this trick as well. Years ago, I spent several years avidly, almost obsessively, spending time honing my downhill skiing skills. One of the hardest skills to master is mogul skiing. For those not familiar, a mogul field is that part of the ski hill that is covered with man-made, staggered bumps, sometimes up to three feet high. The idea of skiing the bumps as they are called, is to match the rhythm of your turns to the spacing of the bumps. The problem is that the bumps are not always spaced evenly, so it is a constant adjustment of rhythm. Any good ski instructor will advise you to always try to be skiing four to five turns ahead of the bump you just turned on. It is the only way to find your groove down the mountain, and when accomplished, will make you look and feel like a professional. Properly skiing the bumps is a truly zen-like experience.
Football running backs follow a similar line of logic. The player will rarely actually be looking at the opponent trying to block him, or bring him down. rather, if you watch, that player has already anticipated the moves of the person immediately near him, and is already moving on to focusing on finding the next hole in the defense.
Even in chess. The world's best chess players, or "connect four" players for that matter, will constantly anticipate the moves of their opponent, and adjust their own play with the fourth move in mind. It changes the mindset from a reactive, defensive game to one of strategy and planning.
In each of these examples, the central idea is to maintain focus on where you are headed. Think of the X-Games. I have watched people jump some amazing machines over some amazing obstacles and distances. Having a basic understanding of airborne machines; my normal interest in watching is through the concept of keeping the machine balanced in such a manner as to land it safely.
In case you have never jumped a motorcycle; it is more than just running it off a ramp and hanging on. Listen and watch closely some time. The folks performing these stunts have an absolutely amazing sense of how to keep the machine, which often outweighs them, balanced in the air. If you listen and watch closely, you will notice a few things... When airborne, you will often see or hear the rider manipulate the throttle and brakes of the bike in order to keep the nose up, down or neutral as they cross the air. Simply put, they are using the rotation and weight of the engine and wheels to rotate the bike in the air so as to ensure a good landing. It is a lot to do, and requires immense concentration.
But watch where they are looking while they perform. They are not looking down. Or at the bike. They will have their gaze fixed wholly on the landing ramp, specifically on the part of the landing ramp that they want to hit. Eyes on the prize. Looking between the trees. Looking to the fourth bump. (or interestingly, in the eyes of our Native Americans, looking to the 7th generation)
I guess the common thread here is focus and planning. Whatever your goal is, keep your eyes on the prize. See your obstacles early, adapt, and move on to planning for the next obstacle. In any example that i have given, that person would tell you not to look at the trees or you will hit it. Watch beyond where you intend to go, and then go there. Then look beyond where you want to go next. Be proactive in your planning, make a plan, and then revise your plan through being proactive again. Rinse and repeat until the goal is reached. And then make a new goal.
As you know, I enjoy power sports.
One of my favorite parts of power sports is trail riding. And one of the best places to ride that I'm aware of is in what we refer to as "the north woods" of our state. As you can imagine, in that part of the area, the trails that we ride can get very narrow, and run through the trees.
Be it a snowmobile or an ATV, running the trails around here means that you are moving at a relatively high rate of speed sometimes within inches of the trees on the side of the trail. Yes, it can be dangerous. But there is a trick to avoiding injury. Don't look at the trees.
See, when you ride these trails, you have to constantly train your mind to watch the spaces between the obstacles around you. You are constantly looking to the next curve in the trail and beyond. The tree that you just passed is just beyond the hole between the trees that you were looking at two corners ago. The old saying is to not look at the trees coming up, or you will hit them. As long as you keep your focus on the space between the obstacles as far ahead as you can see, you will likely make your way cleanly down the trail. Anybody who has ever raced anything will give you a similar example; from motorcycles, to cars, to go-karts.
Downhill skiers use this trick as well. Years ago, I spent several years avidly, almost obsessively, spending time honing my downhill skiing skills. One of the hardest skills to master is mogul skiing. For those not familiar, a mogul field is that part of the ski hill that is covered with man-made, staggered bumps, sometimes up to three feet high. The idea of skiing the bumps as they are called, is to match the rhythm of your turns to the spacing of the bumps. The problem is that the bumps are not always spaced evenly, so it is a constant adjustment of rhythm. Any good ski instructor will advise you to always try to be skiing four to five turns ahead of the bump you just turned on. It is the only way to find your groove down the mountain, and when accomplished, will make you look and feel like a professional. Properly skiing the bumps is a truly zen-like experience.
Football running backs follow a similar line of logic. The player will rarely actually be looking at the opponent trying to block him, or bring him down. rather, if you watch, that player has already anticipated the moves of the person immediately near him, and is already moving on to focusing on finding the next hole in the defense.
Even in chess. The world's best chess players, or "connect four" players for that matter, will constantly anticipate the moves of their opponent, and adjust their own play with the fourth move in mind. It changes the mindset from a reactive, defensive game to one of strategy and planning.
In each of these examples, the central idea is to maintain focus on where you are headed. Think of the X-Games. I have watched people jump some amazing machines over some amazing obstacles and distances. Having a basic understanding of airborne machines; my normal interest in watching is through the concept of keeping the machine balanced in such a manner as to land it safely.
In case you have never jumped a motorcycle; it is more than just running it off a ramp and hanging on. Listen and watch closely some time. The folks performing these stunts have an absolutely amazing sense of how to keep the machine, which often outweighs them, balanced in the air. If you listen and watch closely, you will notice a few things... When airborne, you will often see or hear the rider manipulate the throttle and brakes of the bike in order to keep the nose up, down or neutral as they cross the air. Simply put, they are using the rotation and weight of the engine and wheels to rotate the bike in the air so as to ensure a good landing. It is a lot to do, and requires immense concentration.
But watch where they are looking while they perform. They are not looking down. Or at the bike. They will have their gaze fixed wholly on the landing ramp, specifically on the part of the landing ramp that they want to hit. Eyes on the prize. Looking between the trees. Looking to the fourth bump. (or interestingly, in the eyes of our Native Americans, looking to the 7th generation)
I guess the common thread here is focus and planning. Whatever your goal is, keep your eyes on the prize. See your obstacles early, adapt, and move on to planning for the next obstacle. In any example that i have given, that person would tell you not to look at the trees or you will hit it. Watch beyond where you intend to go, and then go there. Then look beyond where you want to go next. Be proactive in your planning, make a plan, and then revise your plan through being proactive again. Rinse and repeat until the goal is reached. And then make a new goal.
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