Friends and Heroes

I have two sons.

As hard as I might try, I fear that I may wake up one day and realize that I have not done enough as a father for them.  I spend hours at night, when i should be sleeping, scared to death that I will fail to show or guide them down the path that they should follow.  Worse, I find myself continually worried that they will find the wrong one no matter how hard I try.

When I think about the possibilities of these outcomes, I am in AWE of my own father and mother.  My parents somehow managed to raise three kids.  None of us were ever in trouble.  We always had part time jobs in high school, and we've all turned out to be good citizens and parents.  I asked my dad the other day how he did it. asked my father in law the same question.  I got the same answer from both.  I dont know how that happened. I was guessing.

Guessing Sucks.

Something changes in you when you realize you are a parent. I read in the papers about a child dying in one way or another, and i go to tears.  ( i know, wimpy right?)   not just a little.  Ive gone into sobbing fits int he car just thinking about it.  I cant imagine.  We want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, etc.

I want more for my kids.  I want my kids to "get it."  I know plenty of highly successful people who are empty inside.  Sometimes I qualify.   Although i dont want my kids to be destitute; I do want them to follow whatever dreams they may have.  

This is just the preface.  

I have three friends, IT Guy, Iowan and Foose.  I would call them my buddies but Iowan has long since outlawed the term for reasons I wont explain here.  All three of these guys are heroes.

We'll start with IT Guy.   Here is a guy who met a girl.  They were young.  She had a baby.  SO, unlike anybody i knew at the time, he became Dad to another mans child. WE call him the dude.  Dude is just about 16 now.  AND IT guy and his wife have done very well.  

Im like that too-fun-loving uncle to the dude.   We are talking about an honor roll kid.  Runs for the team like the wind.  kicks the old mans ass at madden at random.   I offered him a beer once while his parents were away.  Wouldnt do it.   IT guy did a great.  A great job.   Being a dad to a kid that shares everything but his blood.  

Hero.

Foose takes little man with him everywhere. They get bored, they go bumming. Little Man is welcome at any gathering that Foose finds himself at .  Its like he has his own mini-me.   Im not saying im a fan of everything that the kid gets exposed to; But Id rather the kid got exposed to it with his daddy right there with him than not.  

Foose always seems to move the kid through things about a year before I would dare do it with my son, but then he only has the one, where I have one the same age as Little Man, and then one two years younger. puts me in a quandary.   Even if i think that Turtle might be ready for something, Tank is there.   Tough call.

But this guy is raising his son to be one of the guys.

Hero.

Iowan.   The big brother I never had.  Last night i watched him literally coo at my 10 week old daughter, his godchild.  This is a big, tough farmer type guy we're talking about.  Cooing.  Completely in love with my daughter.   I have watched him and his teenage daughter give each other shit to no end and laugh their collective asses off about it.   One of the things that i fear most in this parenting nonsense is losing touch with the kids when they hit middle school.

I fear losing touch with my kids because it becomes paralyzing to a relationship.  It can be so hard for a parent and child to relate again after that.  And I know that those years in particular are likely the most important time for a parent and child to be able to relate.

Hero.

I guess we all just make it up as we go along.  But each of these friends of mine deserve a little respect and recognition for what they are doing with their kids.  All of them have different circumstances, Different lives, different incomes.  The trick is that they all have managed to be successful and effective parents.

I am continually impressed my my friends.  I never imagined that I would be encompassed by a group of people who are as caring, loving, and as generally kick ass to hang out with as they are.   I never thought that I would have the privilege to know Men who so genuinely cared about their families and their friends.

Yesterday Tank accused me of having too many friends.  When I asked him what he meant, he told me I was always dragging him and Turtle along to go help somebody or hang out with someone.   Somehow the fact that my first grader picked up on the deep, solid level of my friendships makes it that much more important. I only hope that he gets to have friends like this at my age.

It truly is a blessing to have heroes for friends.

Out.