I have two sons.
As hard as I might try, I fear that I may wake up one day and realize that I have not done enough as a father for them. I spend hours at night, when i should be sleeping, scared to death that I will fail to show or guide them down the path that they should follow. Worse, I find myself continually worried that they will find the wrong one no matter how hard I try.
When I think about the possibilities of these outcomes, I am in AWE of my own father and mother. My parents somehow managed to raise three kids. None of us were ever in trouble. We always had part time jobs in high school, and we've all turned out to be good citizens and parents. I asked my dad the other day how he did it. asked my father in law the same question. I got the same answer from both. I dont know how that happened. I was guessing.
Guessing Sucks.
Something changes in you when you realize you are a parent. I read in the papers about a child dying in one way or another, and i go to tears. ( i know, wimpy right?) not just a little. Ive gone into sobbing fits int he car just thinking about it. I cant imagine. We want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, etc.
I want more for my kids. I want my kids to "get it." I know plenty of highly successful people who are empty inside. Sometimes I qualify. Although i dont want my kids to be destitute; I do want them to follow whatever dreams they may have.
This is just the preface.
I have three friends, IT Guy, Iowan and Foose. I would call them my buddies but Iowan has long since outlawed the term for reasons I wont explain here. All three of these guys are heroes.
We'll start with IT Guy. Here is a guy who met a girl. They were young. She had a baby. SO, unlike anybody i knew at the time, he became Dad to another mans child. WE call him the dude. Dude is just about 16 now. AND IT guy and his wife have done very well.
Im like that too-fun-loving uncle to the dude. We are talking about an honor roll kid. Runs for the team like the wind. kicks the old mans ass at madden at random. I offered him a beer once while his parents were away. Wouldnt do it. IT guy did a great. A great job. Being a dad to a kid that shares everything but his blood.
Hero.
Foose takes little man with him everywhere. They get bored, they go bumming. Little Man is welcome at any gathering that Foose finds himself at . Its like he has his own mini-me. Im not saying im a fan of everything that the kid gets exposed to; But Id rather the kid got exposed to it with his daddy right there with him than not.
Foose always seems to move the kid through things about a year before I would dare do it with my son, but then he only has the one, where I have one the same age as Little Man, and then one two years younger. puts me in a quandary. Even if i think that Turtle might be ready for something, Tank is there. Tough call.
But this guy is raising his son to be one of the guys.
Hero.
Iowan. The big brother I never had. Last night i watched him literally coo at my 10 week old daughter, his godchild. This is a big, tough farmer type guy we're talking about. Cooing. Completely in love with my daughter. I have watched him and his teenage daughter give each other shit to no end and laugh their collective asses off about it. One of the things that i fear most in this parenting nonsense is losing touch with the kids when they hit middle school.
I fear losing touch with my kids because it becomes paralyzing to a relationship. It can be so hard for a parent and child to relate again after that. And I know that those years in particular are likely the most important time for a parent and child to be able to relate.
Hero.
I guess we all just make it up as we go along. But each of these friends of mine deserve a little respect and recognition for what they are doing with their kids. All of them have different circumstances, Different lives, different incomes. The trick is that they all have managed to be successful and effective parents.
I am continually impressed my my friends. I never imagined that I would be encompassed by a group of people who are as caring, loving, and as generally kick ass to hang out with as they are. I never thought that I would have the privilege to know Men who so genuinely cared about their families and their friends.
Yesterday Tank accused me of having too many friends. When I asked him what he meant, he told me I was always dragging him and Turtle along to go help somebody or hang out with someone. Somehow the fact that my first grader picked up on the deep, solid level of my friendships makes it that much more important. I only hope that he gets to have friends like this at my age.
It truly is a blessing to have heroes for friends.
Out.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Zooming In
I don't claim to be a scientist.
And I swear that the following thoughts are entirely original. So if its been done before, oh well.
I played today with google earth. For those of you who aren't savvy to it, Google Earth is a collection of satellite photographs which basically allow you to zoom in on any part of the planet that you like. For instance, when I zoomed in today on my house, I got good enough resolution on the picture to tell you that Thelma, (my 64 Plymouth Convertible) was in the driveway.
This is an amazing technology. What it got me thinking about was the nature of light.
You see, when I was in college, I took a class called Theoretical Physics. Pretty sure i earned a "C" or worse in the class. I didn't get it. But one of the ideas that we talked about was Light.
You see, there is an ongoing debate going on about whether light is a wave, like sound, or whether it is a series of particles, i believe that is called photon theory or something similar, not sure. The basis of the debate is based on behaviors that are and can be induced, into the behavior of the things that we can see.
Google Earth. Something as far away as outer space can gain enough resolution for me to be able to discern which of my cars is in my driveway in Valders.
Ever looked through a high-powered rifle scope? Something you cant even see with your so-called naked eye becomes crystal clear and in detail. Exactly my point.
The question at hand tonight is as follows: How does light work?
How is it that an image can become blurry, vague, silhouetted, to the point that our eyes can only see some of it, but yet we can magnify it and then see all of the details? Does this mean that given enough optics, and a field of range allowing us to see it, that we can read anybody's license plate on the planet? Obviously the evidence says yes.
But how does that work? Because it was there all along.
you see, what it seems to point out to me is something that seems to hold true in all of life. Whatever it is that a person is trying to see, trying to accomplish, trying to learn; given enough time, effort, and desire, will show itself to have been there all along.
Light does not disappear over distance. It only becomes obscured by other light. Given enough focus, and the correct optics, those fine details just at the horizon can be brought to, well, brought to light. The details become clear, and the license plate can be read.
The same i think holds true for the rest of our lives. With the right combination of attitude and work, the seemingly impossible becomes attainable.
Its time to zoom in.
And I swear that the following thoughts are entirely original. So if its been done before, oh well.
I played today with google earth. For those of you who aren't savvy to it, Google Earth is a collection of satellite photographs which basically allow you to zoom in on any part of the planet that you like. For instance, when I zoomed in today on my house, I got good enough resolution on the picture to tell you that Thelma, (my 64 Plymouth Convertible) was in the driveway.
This is an amazing technology. What it got me thinking about was the nature of light.
You see, when I was in college, I took a class called Theoretical Physics. Pretty sure i earned a "C" or worse in the class. I didn't get it. But one of the ideas that we talked about was Light.
You see, there is an ongoing debate going on about whether light is a wave, like sound, or whether it is a series of particles, i believe that is called photon theory or something similar, not sure. The basis of the debate is based on behaviors that are and can be induced, into the behavior of the things that we can see.
Google Earth. Something as far away as outer space can gain enough resolution for me to be able to discern which of my cars is in my driveway in Valders.
Ever looked through a high-powered rifle scope? Something you cant even see with your so-called naked eye becomes crystal clear and in detail. Exactly my point.
The question at hand tonight is as follows: How does light work?
How is it that an image can become blurry, vague, silhouetted, to the point that our eyes can only see some of it, but yet we can magnify it and then see all of the details? Does this mean that given enough optics, and a field of range allowing us to see it, that we can read anybody's license plate on the planet? Obviously the evidence says yes.
But how does that work? Because it was there all along.
you see, what it seems to point out to me is something that seems to hold true in all of life. Whatever it is that a person is trying to see, trying to accomplish, trying to learn; given enough time, effort, and desire, will show itself to have been there all along.
Light does not disappear over distance. It only becomes obscured by other light. Given enough focus, and the correct optics, those fine details just at the horizon can be brought to, well, brought to light. The details become clear, and the license plate can be read.
The same i think holds true for the rest of our lives. With the right combination of attitude and work, the seemingly impossible becomes attainable.
Its time to zoom in.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Eyes on the Prize
Tonight's thought may end up to be a winding road; but then again; aren't they all?
As you know, I enjoy power sports.
One of my favorite parts of power sports is trail riding. And one of the best places to ride that I'm aware of is in what we refer to as "the north woods" of our state. As you can imagine, in that part of the area, the trails that we ride can get very narrow, and run through the trees.
Be it a snowmobile or an ATV, running the trails around here means that you are moving at a relatively high rate of speed sometimes within inches of the trees on the side of the trail. Yes, it can be dangerous. But there is a trick to avoiding injury. Don't look at the trees.
See, when you ride these trails, you have to constantly train your mind to watch the spaces between the obstacles around you. You are constantly looking to the next curve in the trail and beyond. The tree that you just passed is just beyond the hole between the trees that you were looking at two corners ago. The old saying is to not look at the trees coming up, or you will hit them. As long as you keep your focus on the space between the obstacles as far ahead as you can see, you will likely make your way cleanly down the trail. Anybody who has ever raced anything will give you a similar example; from motorcycles, to cars, to go-karts.
Downhill skiers use this trick as well. Years ago, I spent several years avidly, almost obsessively, spending time honing my downhill skiing skills. One of the hardest skills to master is mogul skiing. For those not familiar, a mogul field is that part of the ski hill that is covered with man-made, staggered bumps, sometimes up to three feet high. The idea of skiing the bumps as they are called, is to match the rhythm of your turns to the spacing of the bumps. The problem is that the bumps are not always spaced evenly, so it is a constant adjustment of rhythm. Any good ski instructor will advise you to always try to be skiing four to five turns ahead of the bump you just turned on. It is the only way to find your groove down the mountain, and when accomplished, will make you look and feel like a professional. Properly skiing the bumps is a truly zen-like experience.
Football running backs follow a similar line of logic. The player will rarely actually be looking at the opponent trying to block him, or bring him down. rather, if you watch, that player has already anticipated the moves of the person immediately near him, and is already moving on to focusing on finding the next hole in the defense.
Even in chess. The world's best chess players, or "connect four" players for that matter, will constantly anticipate the moves of their opponent, and adjust their own play with the fourth move in mind. It changes the mindset from a reactive, defensive game to one of strategy and planning.
In each of these examples, the central idea is to maintain focus on where you are headed. Think of the X-Games. I have watched people jump some amazing machines over some amazing obstacles and distances. Having a basic understanding of airborne machines; my normal interest in watching is through the concept of keeping the machine balanced in such a manner as to land it safely.
In case you have never jumped a motorcycle; it is more than just running it off a ramp and hanging on. Listen and watch closely some time. The folks performing these stunts have an absolutely amazing sense of how to keep the machine, which often outweighs them, balanced in the air. If you listen and watch closely, you will notice a few things... When airborne, you will often see or hear the rider manipulate the throttle and brakes of the bike in order to keep the nose up, down or neutral as they cross the air. Simply put, they are using the rotation and weight of the engine and wheels to rotate the bike in the air so as to ensure a good landing. It is a lot to do, and requires immense concentration.
But watch where they are looking while they perform. They are not looking down. Or at the bike. They will have their gaze fixed wholly on the landing ramp, specifically on the part of the landing ramp that they want to hit. Eyes on the prize. Looking between the trees. Looking to the fourth bump. (or interestingly, in the eyes of our Native Americans, looking to the 7th generation)
I guess the common thread here is focus and planning. Whatever your goal is, keep your eyes on the prize. See your obstacles early, adapt, and move on to planning for the next obstacle. In any example that i have given, that person would tell you not to look at the trees or you will hit it. Watch beyond where you intend to go, and then go there. Then look beyond where you want to go next. Be proactive in your planning, make a plan, and then revise your plan through being proactive again. Rinse and repeat until the goal is reached. And then make a new goal.
As you know, I enjoy power sports.
One of my favorite parts of power sports is trail riding. And one of the best places to ride that I'm aware of is in what we refer to as "the north woods" of our state. As you can imagine, in that part of the area, the trails that we ride can get very narrow, and run through the trees.
Be it a snowmobile or an ATV, running the trails around here means that you are moving at a relatively high rate of speed sometimes within inches of the trees on the side of the trail. Yes, it can be dangerous. But there is a trick to avoiding injury. Don't look at the trees.
See, when you ride these trails, you have to constantly train your mind to watch the spaces between the obstacles around you. You are constantly looking to the next curve in the trail and beyond. The tree that you just passed is just beyond the hole between the trees that you were looking at two corners ago. The old saying is to not look at the trees coming up, or you will hit them. As long as you keep your focus on the space between the obstacles as far ahead as you can see, you will likely make your way cleanly down the trail. Anybody who has ever raced anything will give you a similar example; from motorcycles, to cars, to go-karts.
Downhill skiers use this trick as well. Years ago, I spent several years avidly, almost obsessively, spending time honing my downhill skiing skills. One of the hardest skills to master is mogul skiing. For those not familiar, a mogul field is that part of the ski hill that is covered with man-made, staggered bumps, sometimes up to three feet high. The idea of skiing the bumps as they are called, is to match the rhythm of your turns to the spacing of the bumps. The problem is that the bumps are not always spaced evenly, so it is a constant adjustment of rhythm. Any good ski instructor will advise you to always try to be skiing four to five turns ahead of the bump you just turned on. It is the only way to find your groove down the mountain, and when accomplished, will make you look and feel like a professional. Properly skiing the bumps is a truly zen-like experience.
Football running backs follow a similar line of logic. The player will rarely actually be looking at the opponent trying to block him, or bring him down. rather, if you watch, that player has already anticipated the moves of the person immediately near him, and is already moving on to focusing on finding the next hole in the defense.
Even in chess. The world's best chess players, or "connect four" players for that matter, will constantly anticipate the moves of their opponent, and adjust their own play with the fourth move in mind. It changes the mindset from a reactive, defensive game to one of strategy and planning.
In each of these examples, the central idea is to maintain focus on where you are headed. Think of the X-Games. I have watched people jump some amazing machines over some amazing obstacles and distances. Having a basic understanding of airborne machines; my normal interest in watching is through the concept of keeping the machine balanced in such a manner as to land it safely.
In case you have never jumped a motorcycle; it is more than just running it off a ramp and hanging on. Listen and watch closely some time. The folks performing these stunts have an absolutely amazing sense of how to keep the machine, which often outweighs them, balanced in the air. If you listen and watch closely, you will notice a few things... When airborne, you will often see or hear the rider manipulate the throttle and brakes of the bike in order to keep the nose up, down or neutral as they cross the air. Simply put, they are using the rotation and weight of the engine and wheels to rotate the bike in the air so as to ensure a good landing. It is a lot to do, and requires immense concentration.
But watch where they are looking while they perform. They are not looking down. Or at the bike. They will have their gaze fixed wholly on the landing ramp, specifically on the part of the landing ramp that they want to hit. Eyes on the prize. Looking between the trees. Looking to the fourth bump. (or interestingly, in the eyes of our Native Americans, looking to the 7th generation)
I guess the common thread here is focus and planning. Whatever your goal is, keep your eyes on the prize. See your obstacles early, adapt, and move on to planning for the next obstacle. In any example that i have given, that person would tell you not to look at the trees or you will hit it. Watch beyond where you intend to go, and then go there. Then look beyond where you want to go next. Be proactive in your planning, make a plan, and then revise your plan through being proactive again. Rinse and repeat until the goal is reached. And then make a new goal.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Things that have an end.
My guys worked hard through the hottest, busiest month of the year.
July here was a hot, muggy month. these guys work hard for their living. What that means is that we went through a long month. That combined with the fact that they like to have time off in the summer is a recipe for a lot of hard-working, very sweaty guys trying to make up for the guys who are off. They went through more bottles of Gatorade than the dealership could supply them with. And I was very thankful for the hard work at the end of last week.
Now, I'm likely to be the cheapest guy that you know. But last week Friday, I reached into my wallet and bought the guys a bunch of dilly bars from Dairy Queen. And at the end of the day, we all took a few minutes and had an ice cream treat. And who knew a cherry dilly bar could taste so good.
I really am going somewhere with this. I promise.
The problem with dilly bars is that every bit of them is good. And they last a long time. But sooner or later, they are gone. They end.
This is true for an awful lot of things in life. There are a ton of things that a person enjoys that sooner or later come to an end, sometimes even a screeching halt. I had a car like that once. I also had a friend.
I met I.T. guy when I was about 18. That is 17 years ago. We were fast friends, and had a lot of similar interests. We didn't really see eye to eye on a lot of things, but like any friendship, we got along, so we got around those things. We worked on projects together, had great times hanging out, and later in life took turns pissing off each others wife. And this went on for the better part of two decades.
After that amount of time you pretty much know a guy inside out and backwards. You have been through it all together. Think of the things that a person goes through between 18 and 35 years old. There are a lot of firsts.
This is a guy that i had as a friend through first loves, high school graduation, college graduation (both of us) Job issues. race cars. First time drunks. drag races. Children. first homes. you can imagine the rest of the list. Absolutely endless.
It is like the worlds longest lasting dilly bar. Even if you get a cherry one it is still pretty good.
My friend and I had words about 6 months ago and haven't spoken since. And I'm being held to blame, which I don't really deny the blame for. And although Ive apologized, it was likely not soon enough. At the time i considered the biggest major issue to have been in good fun. And I took his reaction as having been blown completely out of proportion.
But after that amount of time we started tonight through a text message to get to the bottom of things. His take apparently is that we've grown apart. We didn't hang out like we used to, our interests were different, our priorities. So i get the idea he isn't interested anymore. I feel like a high school girl who just got dumped. I would like to apologize to every girl I have ever broken up with.
Now. I do want to say that my life is just fine without seeing the guy. But we were friends for so damned long that it bugs me. I do not find myself able to just say screw it and walk away after that amount of time. Apparently he can. And yes, 6 months without speaking, but I have tried to make contact with the intent to patch it up during that time.
And what amazes me about the situation, what really gets at my heart, is the time. I cant begin to tell you how at the ready we always were for each other. Say the word and the guy was there. Me or him. Can you help me with my car? Want a beer? Lets take a road trip. Dude, help me with this. Hey lets hang out on Saturday. Feel like some golf? Lets have a cookout this afternoon. Those are the things that I'm going to miss.
I mean, I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of really good friends. I am really really blessed to have guys like the Iowan, Foose, Puller, The Legend, B-Money, The Professor, and a lot more, but I think I would be writing this about any of them in a similar situation.
And I also have a lot of friends that I haven't seen in years due to the natural progression of life. I haven't seen the guys that I hung out with in high school in like five years. Id like to, but there never seems to be time. But this one. This one hurts. This isn't a guy I want to give up. But, like breaking up, he seems all too willing to do so. So I guess I don't have a choice.
So I guess this is going to be like my dilly bar Friday. It was a big dilly bar, and damned it was good, but now all Ive got left is the stick at the end.
At the end........
July here was a hot, muggy month. these guys work hard for their living. What that means is that we went through a long month. That combined with the fact that they like to have time off in the summer is a recipe for a lot of hard-working, very sweaty guys trying to make up for the guys who are off. They went through more bottles of Gatorade than the dealership could supply them with. And I was very thankful for the hard work at the end of last week.
Now, I'm likely to be the cheapest guy that you know. But last week Friday, I reached into my wallet and bought the guys a bunch of dilly bars from Dairy Queen. And at the end of the day, we all took a few minutes and had an ice cream treat. And who knew a cherry dilly bar could taste so good.
I really am going somewhere with this. I promise.
The problem with dilly bars is that every bit of them is good. And they last a long time. But sooner or later, they are gone. They end.
This is true for an awful lot of things in life. There are a ton of things that a person enjoys that sooner or later come to an end, sometimes even a screeching halt. I had a car like that once. I also had a friend.
I met I.T. guy when I was about 18. That is 17 years ago. We were fast friends, and had a lot of similar interests. We didn't really see eye to eye on a lot of things, but like any friendship, we got along, so we got around those things. We worked on projects together, had great times hanging out, and later in life took turns pissing off each others wife. And this went on for the better part of two decades.
After that amount of time you pretty much know a guy inside out and backwards. You have been through it all together. Think of the things that a person goes through between 18 and 35 years old. There are a lot of firsts.
This is a guy that i had as a friend through first loves, high school graduation, college graduation (both of us) Job issues. race cars. First time drunks. drag races. Children. first homes. you can imagine the rest of the list. Absolutely endless.
It is like the worlds longest lasting dilly bar. Even if you get a cherry one it is still pretty good.
My friend and I had words about 6 months ago and haven't spoken since. And I'm being held to blame, which I don't really deny the blame for. And although Ive apologized, it was likely not soon enough. At the time i considered the biggest major issue to have been in good fun. And I took his reaction as having been blown completely out of proportion.
But after that amount of time we started tonight through a text message to get to the bottom of things. His take apparently is that we've grown apart. We didn't hang out like we used to, our interests were different, our priorities. So i get the idea he isn't interested anymore. I feel like a high school girl who just got dumped. I would like to apologize to every girl I have ever broken up with.
Now. I do want to say that my life is just fine without seeing the guy. But we were friends for so damned long that it bugs me. I do not find myself able to just say screw it and walk away after that amount of time. Apparently he can. And yes, 6 months without speaking, but I have tried to make contact with the intent to patch it up during that time.
And what amazes me about the situation, what really gets at my heart, is the time. I cant begin to tell you how at the ready we always were for each other. Say the word and the guy was there. Me or him. Can you help me with my car? Want a beer? Lets take a road trip. Dude, help me with this. Hey lets hang out on Saturday. Feel like some golf? Lets have a cookout this afternoon. Those are the things that I'm going to miss.
I mean, I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of really good friends. I am really really blessed to have guys like the Iowan, Foose, Puller, The Legend, B-Money, The Professor, and a lot more, but I think I would be writing this about any of them in a similar situation.
And I also have a lot of friends that I haven't seen in years due to the natural progression of life. I haven't seen the guys that I hung out with in high school in like five years. Id like to, but there never seems to be time. But this one. This one hurts. This isn't a guy I want to give up. But, like breaking up, he seems all too willing to do so. So I guess I don't have a choice.
So I guess this is going to be like my dilly bar Friday. It was a big dilly bar, and damned it was good, but now all Ive got left is the stick at the end.
At the end........
Monday, June 13, 2011
My Wedding Ring
When Babe and I were in the process of planning our wedding, there came a day to pick out the rings. Her ring was relatively easy to choose, because it was part of a set, the other ring being of course the engagement ring that she was already wearing. Mine was a bit more difficult. For young men, the process of choosing a ring is sometimes complicated. For me, I wanted a ring that blended with my life and my personality. If you look at a man's wedding ring, you generally can tell a lot about him. I have a friend who has one that is titanium. Very heavy, yet very sleek looking. The edges are sort of tapered and faceted, and look modern and classy. I have another friend who has a very basic, but very handsome simple gold band. If you were to commit yourself to it, and look intentionally at the rings that men wear, I think you would understand the corollary that I am trying to examine.
The other thing that you might get a glimpse of would be the roads that those rings have taken. The shiny and new rings will often belong to people who are somewhat newly married. Men like my father, who have been married a very long time, will often have replaced the original ring one or more times, and yet the ring they wear will often have some scratches and some natural polishing and wear showing. Because a man will usually wear his ring at all times, it is exposed to whatever the hand wearing it is exposed to. A ring belonging to a gardener will often be softly polished by the abrasive dirt it finds itself in.
My favorite are the ones that have been worn for a very long time. Those rings are usually in a condition similar to the bearer. I recently saw a wedding ring that a gentleman had been wearing for 50 years. That amount of time, combined with faithful polishing, had created a piece of jewelry that was polished and patinad in a way that only time can do. I imagine that this man's marriage shows the same amount of luster and history.
Soon, we will celebrate ten years of marriage. And with that, I examined my own ring today. My ring is a fairly simple gold band, that band is wrapped with a narrower platinum band. When it was new, and still polished, the luster of the gold was such that it was hard to tell that the two metals were a different color. For the first several years that we were married, I made a point to have it polished every so often at the jewelry store.
But, like any relationship; after a while the ring began to age a little. I havent had it polished in quite a while. Thinking about that is what prompted this essay. It has developed scratches, dings, and a very large dent. Quite a few years ago now I had to jumpstart a truck. Remember what I said about the resemblance of the ring to the bearer? Well, the hood of the truck had quite a bit of snow on it, and while I was removing the battery box after getting it running, the hood slammed down. It could not have hit my ring more squarely. Later that evening, I was telling the story, and went to pull the ring off, only to discover that the ring had been fairly crushed, and was now oblong to the point that it would not slide off of my finger. What was odd was that not only had i felt no pain when the hood came down, but there was absolutely no damage to my finger.
Yes, I believe that my wedding ring saved my finger from major injury.
SO, like any good mechanic would do, I used a few tools and did my best to make the thing round again. And I wear it that way to this day.
I know a lot of people who take care of thier rings the same way that I did at first, Those guys are the ones who ask me now and then when I'm going to take mine in to be straightened out and repolished. They keep them in polished, shiny condition at all times. They dont want anybody to ever see the ring looking less than perfect.
But my ring tells a story. All in all, we have had a pretty good marriage. I know a lot of people who have not made it this long. We have had some struggles, we've seen some scratches in our rings, and we've even had a couple big dents over the years. But over time, we have always managed to find a way to get things back into shape. We are not the exact same shiny polished couple that we may have been, but each of those scratches, dings, and dents have had an impact on us. To me, to polish the ring would be to deny the past. It would mean a willingness to set aside some of those things that we have gotten through together. It would almost make light of the struggle. Babe and I have worked hard, and worked together over the last decade to be a team in things, to smooth out the bumps in the road. To polish the ring to me is pretending that some of the things that have happened to us as a couple were not important.
One of the best things about metal is what is called Tempering. By inducing stress into a metal, through heat or through force, or some combination of the two, the metal itself becomes stronger. My ring was tempered by the force of the truck-hood. In much the same way, struggle and difficulty can temper a relationship.
You have heard in these posts about some of the things that Babe and I have been through together. Each of these has caused us stress as a couple, and tempered our relationship. Each of these things has been very important to our relationship on a very basic level. And I wouldn't dare try to forget about them.
I think that it is important to remember with pride those things that a couple has conquered. Those times when things weren't necessarily fun. The sad things that have happened. The financial struggles. Times when you didn't like your job, or didnt have a job. I'm not talking about problems in a relationship here, but rather those problems that your relationship has allowed you to overcome together.
I'm still not sure if I will go get my ring polished or not. Part of me says that it would be a way to close a chapter and open another. Part of me says that it is just fine the way it is. Part of me says I should do what any married man would do and ask my wife.
The other thing that you might get a glimpse of would be the roads that those rings have taken. The shiny and new rings will often belong to people who are somewhat newly married. Men like my father, who have been married a very long time, will often have replaced the original ring one or more times, and yet the ring they wear will often have some scratches and some natural polishing and wear showing. Because a man will usually wear his ring at all times, it is exposed to whatever the hand wearing it is exposed to. A ring belonging to a gardener will often be softly polished by the abrasive dirt it finds itself in.
My favorite are the ones that have been worn for a very long time. Those rings are usually in a condition similar to the bearer. I recently saw a wedding ring that a gentleman had been wearing for 50 years. That amount of time, combined with faithful polishing, had created a piece of jewelry that was polished and patinad in a way that only time can do. I imagine that this man's marriage shows the same amount of luster and history.
Soon, we will celebrate ten years of marriage. And with that, I examined my own ring today. My ring is a fairly simple gold band, that band is wrapped with a narrower platinum band. When it was new, and still polished, the luster of the gold was such that it was hard to tell that the two metals were a different color. For the first several years that we were married, I made a point to have it polished every so often at the jewelry store.
But, like any relationship; after a while the ring began to age a little. I havent had it polished in quite a while. Thinking about that is what prompted this essay. It has developed scratches, dings, and a very large dent. Quite a few years ago now I had to jumpstart a truck. Remember what I said about the resemblance of the ring to the bearer? Well, the hood of the truck had quite a bit of snow on it, and while I was removing the battery box after getting it running, the hood slammed down. It could not have hit my ring more squarely. Later that evening, I was telling the story, and went to pull the ring off, only to discover that the ring had been fairly crushed, and was now oblong to the point that it would not slide off of my finger. What was odd was that not only had i felt no pain when the hood came down, but there was absolutely no damage to my finger.
Yes, I believe that my wedding ring saved my finger from major injury.
SO, like any good mechanic would do, I used a few tools and did my best to make the thing round again. And I wear it that way to this day.
I know a lot of people who take care of thier rings the same way that I did at first, Those guys are the ones who ask me now and then when I'm going to take mine in to be straightened out and repolished. They keep them in polished, shiny condition at all times. They dont want anybody to ever see the ring looking less than perfect.
But my ring tells a story. All in all, we have had a pretty good marriage. I know a lot of people who have not made it this long. We have had some struggles, we've seen some scratches in our rings, and we've even had a couple big dents over the years. But over time, we have always managed to find a way to get things back into shape. We are not the exact same shiny polished couple that we may have been, but each of those scratches, dings, and dents have had an impact on us. To me, to polish the ring would be to deny the past. It would mean a willingness to set aside some of those things that we have gotten through together. It would almost make light of the struggle. Babe and I have worked hard, and worked together over the last decade to be a team in things, to smooth out the bumps in the road. To polish the ring to me is pretending that some of the things that have happened to us as a couple were not important.
One of the best things about metal is what is called Tempering. By inducing stress into a metal, through heat or through force, or some combination of the two, the metal itself becomes stronger. My ring was tempered by the force of the truck-hood. In much the same way, struggle and difficulty can temper a relationship.
You have heard in these posts about some of the things that Babe and I have been through together. Each of these has caused us stress as a couple, and tempered our relationship. Each of these things has been very important to our relationship on a very basic level. And I wouldn't dare try to forget about them.
I think that it is important to remember with pride those things that a couple has conquered. Those times when things weren't necessarily fun. The sad things that have happened. The financial struggles. Times when you didn't like your job, or didnt have a job. I'm not talking about problems in a relationship here, but rather those problems that your relationship has allowed you to overcome together.
I'm still not sure if I will go get my ring polished or not. Part of me says that it would be a way to close a chapter and open another. Part of me says that it is just fine the way it is. Part of me says I should do what any married man would do and ask my wife.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Mom's Gonna kill you.
This is the first post, and possibly the first mention that I have made about Moms. Needless to say, I am thinking about the topic because of the pending holiday.
I am not going to give you any of our usual cliches. I am not going to drool out some crap about i love you mom, (which i do) or any of that other predictable crap. SO here goes an ode to moms everywhere. Especially Bonnie, Stacy, Diane, Betty, Jenn, June, Louise, Dayna, Laura, Jody and Greta.
There are two holidays that recognize parents. We somehow hold mothers day in higher esteem than the other one. I think that it is for good reason. Although i am not trying to make a comparison between moms and dads, I do think that it goes without saying that Mothers day is definitely the more important holiday.
Why? Because you never really know what your Dad is going to do. He might kick your ass; But your mom is going to kill you. Dads have always been the first parent to hear you swear. See you smoke. Catch you beating on his truck. And they also have always been the ones who said they would not tell mom. That's because they love you. And they know mom is gonna kill you.
See this goes both ways. How many Dads have told their kids not to tell mom? Um Yeah. All of them. How many Moms have said don't tell dad? not all of them anyway. Dads and kids have a trust that moms and kids don't always have. Because mom's gonna kill you.
This is really a compliment to mom by the way. Mom is burdened by the fact that she usually is the moral compass to her household. Dad has the luxury of knowing that he's just a big kid anyway, and everybody sort of expects him to act like it. Take the following quiz if you don't believe me. The answer to each question is either Mom or Dad.
1. Who encouraged you to go to church more often?
2. Who Taught you to bait a fish-hook?
3. Who checked your homework, and who just asked if it was done?
4. Who did you spend more time playing video games with?
5. Who read to you more?
6. Who taught you how to match your clothes?
7. Who helped you with a band-aid, and who told you to wipe some dirt on it?
you get the idea. Dads spend time with us with the idea of making Men out of us. Mom's spend time making Citizens out of us. Not that one is more important than the other, but society could survive without Mans Men. Is the same true of Citizens? Imagine the things people wouldn't know how to do without moms.
Further, Mom was a lot more adamant about it. Mom would wear herself out trying to mold us into good people. Nothing was more important to Mom than the development of her children. Our grades. our future. We never worried about Dad's opinion of people we dated. We never called Dad when we had a personal problem. We called Dad when the car wouldn't start.
That's the thing. We always knew dad was our friend. We always knew Dad loved us. Dad would help us. Dad had our back.
But Mom. Mom expected a lot more of us. And Mom was tough. Dad would laugh and give us a Hug. Mom would kill us. you never heard a Dad say "I brought you into this world..."
Our Moms didn't only want the best for us. They expected that we listen to them about it. If your Mom didn't approve, you knew it. Sometimes Dad had to come talk to you about it, but you knew where it came from. This is the great thing about having parents. Parents can work together this way. There are usually not two bad guys. Parents sometimes take turns.. One can Nurture. The other can Discipline. By the way, neither really works without the other, and yes, the roles do switch from time to time.
But this is about Mom.
We love our moms for all that they have done for us. We love our moms for unconditional love. We love our moms for the effort they have put into taking care of us. Teaching us. Spending the time we needed. Making us do things we didn't want to . And all of the other things Mom does that help us to be who we are today.
SO i encourage you. Make a big deal of Mothers day next month. I'm giving you plenty of warning. And remember, if you don't, Mom's gonna Kill you.
happy Mothers Day ladies.
Greg
I am not going to give you any of our usual cliches. I am not going to drool out some crap about i love you mom, (which i do) or any of that other predictable crap. SO here goes an ode to moms everywhere. Especially Bonnie, Stacy, Diane, Betty, Jenn, June, Louise, Dayna, Laura, Jody and Greta.
There are two holidays that recognize parents. We somehow hold mothers day in higher esteem than the other one. I think that it is for good reason. Although i am not trying to make a comparison between moms and dads, I do think that it goes without saying that Mothers day is definitely the more important holiday.
Why? Because you never really know what your Dad is going to do. He might kick your ass; But your mom is going to kill you. Dads have always been the first parent to hear you swear. See you smoke. Catch you beating on his truck. And they also have always been the ones who said they would not tell mom. That's because they love you. And they know mom is gonna kill you.
See this goes both ways. How many Dads have told their kids not to tell mom? Um Yeah. All of them. How many Moms have said don't tell dad? not all of them anyway. Dads and kids have a trust that moms and kids don't always have. Because mom's gonna kill you.
This is really a compliment to mom by the way. Mom is burdened by the fact that she usually is the moral compass to her household. Dad has the luxury of knowing that he's just a big kid anyway, and everybody sort of expects him to act like it. Take the following quiz if you don't believe me. The answer to each question is either Mom or Dad.
1. Who encouraged you to go to church more often?
2. Who Taught you to bait a fish-hook?
3. Who checked your homework, and who just asked if it was done?
4. Who did you spend more time playing video games with?
5. Who read to you more?
6. Who taught you how to match your clothes?
7. Who helped you with a band-aid, and who told you to wipe some dirt on it?
you get the idea. Dads spend time with us with the idea of making Men out of us. Mom's spend time making Citizens out of us. Not that one is more important than the other, but society could survive without Mans Men. Is the same true of Citizens? Imagine the things people wouldn't know how to do without moms.
Further, Mom was a lot more adamant about it. Mom would wear herself out trying to mold us into good people. Nothing was more important to Mom than the development of her children. Our grades. our future. We never worried about Dad's opinion of people we dated. We never called Dad when we had a personal problem. We called Dad when the car wouldn't start.
That's the thing. We always knew dad was our friend. We always knew Dad loved us. Dad would help us. Dad had our back.
But Mom. Mom expected a lot more of us. And Mom was tough. Dad would laugh and give us a Hug. Mom would kill us. you never heard a Dad say "I brought you into this world..."
Our Moms didn't only want the best for us. They expected that we listen to them about it. If your Mom didn't approve, you knew it. Sometimes Dad had to come talk to you about it, but you knew where it came from. This is the great thing about having parents. Parents can work together this way. There are usually not two bad guys. Parents sometimes take turns.. One can Nurture. The other can Discipline. By the way, neither really works without the other, and yes, the roles do switch from time to time.
But this is about Mom.
We love our moms for all that they have done for us. We love our moms for unconditional love. We love our moms for the effort they have put into taking care of us. Teaching us. Spending the time we needed. Making us do things we didn't want to . And all of the other things Mom does that help us to be who we are today.
SO i encourage you. Make a big deal of Mothers day next month. I'm giving you plenty of warning. And remember, if you don't, Mom's gonna Kill you.
happy Mothers Day ladies.
Greg
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
A Thank You,
John Kupsh
A&J Vans
April 20, 2011
John,
On my drive home tonight, I got to thinking about my new position. Reflecting on the things that I find myself involved in a day, and the reasons why I have those responsibilities; I decided that I needed to write down some of my thoughts.
I was in your employ for roughly 9 years. I realize now how truly young and inexperienced I was when you hired me. And I find myself thinking about some of the things that I was blessed to have learned during that time.
I guess this is a thank you letter. Once in a while, we all need to be recognized for what we do for people. For that reason, I want to recognize you for the mentor that you have truly been to me. During my friendship with you, you have been a constant source of insight into how business needs to be done. You were willing to take the time and effort to make me a better business person, in all aspects of the phrase.
Just a brief list of the skills that you tried to endow me with, and coach, and provide feedback on. Organization. Focus. Drive and Ambition. Competition. Marketing. Advertising. Customer Service. Public Relations. Negotiation. Human Resources. Accounting. Budget Management. Housekeeping. Merchandising. Product Design. Product and Workplace Ergonomics. Continual Improvement. Coaching. Mentoring. And most importantly Leadership.
All of these skills are things that I now find myself with some level of ability that is far and beyond what it was when I started working for you. And I believe that you deserve a fair amount of the credit for that. I now realize the effort you put in on a constant and consistent basis to attempt this level of mentorship to your people.
I used to say that I didn’t really have a job description. My normal comment was that if we didn’t know whose job it was, it was probably mine. When I think of the breadth of my duties with A&J, I even sometimes wonder how it all got done. It was sometimes overwhelming. I notice now however that I find myself taking responsibility for things that are beyond the scope of this new position based only on the need for those things to happen. Seems like that word, responsibility, may be the biggest thing that you managed to instill in my workplace persona.
I don’t know if anybody has ever thanked you in writing before. I somehow doubt it. Even as I attempt to do so it seems out of place. It is not part of our normal employment cycle. Nonetheless, Thank You. Although I do feel that the time was right for me to move on, I also feel that my time with you has been absolutely crucial to the future of my career. I wish you, and A&J, all the best in the future.
Sincerely,
Greg M. Wilker
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