a little chop.

I got to thinking today about a day when I was a teenager.

My dad had taken me out charter fishing on Lake Michigan.  We were a long way from shore and were going to be out all day.

I don't remember much about the actual fishing, I don't remember the conversation.  I don't even remember what we had to eat.  I remember the waves.

At first, the water was calm.  It was before dawn when we boarded and left the dock. It was chilly even for the month of June.  The water was like glass.  I remember looking behind the boat and watching as our movement through the lake created a wave on each side of the boat. 

Huddled in a sweatshirt and blanket, I remember noticing the pitch and roll of the boat as we got further from shore.  The boat was in this slow, rhythmic pitch and roll.  Long even waves lifted us and then set us down.

As we got further out, the waves grew.  Some were large; others were smaller. Each time the boat would fight to the top of the crest, it would sort of surf, coasting down the backside.  Sometimes another wave would be right at the bow, other times there would be a bit of a rest to it.

Thinking back on it today I compared it to my life... Whether we think of our life by the moment, by the year, by the decade, we can find ourselves somewhere along this cycle.  Sometimes we are fighting, burning a lot of fuel to work ourselves out of a hole. Other times we are surfing along on the top of the crest.  Still other times we find ourselves crashing down from the top, our bow ramming into the rising crest just beyond the bottom. 

I guess this is what we talk about when we mention life's ups and downs.. Some waves are bigger than others.

I would love to always be at the top of the crest. Feeling the power of the wave beneath me as I rush towards the shore, feeling strong, feeling in charge of life.

But too often I find myself in the valley of them.  Barely recovered from the long plunge to the bottom; and certainly not feeling ready to try to climb back up the next wall that is approaching. 

It seems that we are never simply able to just enjoy flat-water.  To watch the ripples of our existence behind us.  Life isn't put together that way.  Instead we are subject to those things around us that make waves. 

The only answer I think; is to learn to enjoy the waves... To find some way to crash to the bottom with dignity and pride.  Like the jet-skier launching from the top of the wave and nosing his craft deep into the next. 

Embracing change, embracing challenge and adversity will be the only way to feel the true satisfaction of your short time above each crest.  You may know that the next wave is coming, just wanting to pummel you, but at least you will be able to truly enjoy the sensation of being on top while you are there. 

We are not always in high seas... sometimes life seems to only be able to hand us a little chop.  These are the times that are to be cherished the most.  These are the times when we are able to feel confident enough to lend a hand, or even to throw a rope to a friend who has been truly battling.  A little chop is all we need to remind us how lucky we are and to remind us to keep a watchful eye for those who are truly being tossed about. A little chop is the times when we are able to mend and to maintain our vessel in preparation for the next storm.

A little chop is the best place to be.

Why i dislike going to church.

Why do I dislike going to church? 

I was raised in a family that went to church, well, religiously. (sorry, couldnt help the pun)  I have a christian or gospel radio station playing in my car 95% of the time.  I pray often.  I do not have a problem with my beliefs.  

But I hate going to church. I think i figured out some of that tonight.  

I was on the way home, knowing that I only was going to have a few minutes in the house before it would be time to go.  To Church. GRRRR.  Babe is on a Wednesday night service kick lately.  And I was not at all happy with the proposition.  I started to wonder what the big deal was, why i was so upset about going.

I tried on the idea that i was giving up time much needed for other things. Cop out. Weak.

I tried on the idea that it was ok with God if i didnt show up.  yeah, right.

So I started thinking about the fact that I was making excuses to not step into the building.  And that's when it hit me.

We attend a Lutheran church..  I was raised Evangelical.  Not only that, but i was raised with a pastor who could literally fill a church on the basis of his sermons.  I remember "getting something" out of being in the room. I remember feeling as though something about being at church affected me in some way.  to be coy, "it came from the heart"  I remember feeling inspired after a service.

Not that we danced around and spoke in tongues during our services, but when our pastor gave a sermon, there was some emotion attached to it.

I dont feel any of that in our church.   We have been going to this place for 11 years, and I feel as though I could do church in my sleep.  I know all of the "prayers."   I can practically recite the service.  And worse, the sermons could be read by the pastor from something somebody else wrote. And you can tell he is reading it. I'm not picking on pastors, but in the church that I grew up in, the pastor worked on his sermon. All Week.  He memorized it.  He felt it.  What he was going to tell us mattered.   

In short, I dont like going to church because it is not my church.  I find it boring. I find it routine. And i find it to be sort of a waste of time.  If the idea of a church is to incite and educate, frankly, a service at this one does neither for me.  If the idea is to make you feel good because you checked the box for attendance, well, i guess it works. But I dont get much out of the service beyond the check mark, which I frankly dont think God cares about.

The worst for me is the idea of a "contemporary" Wednesday service.  The praise team does a great job playing and singing some more mainstream music.  I love that part.  But the only difference in the rest of the service is a little re-wording of the prayers etc.  See my post "playing telephone" for my feelings on rewording the words of the scriptures.  

Of course, any time a person is critical of anything, the next question is a challenge.  What are we supposed to do about it?  What would make it better?  And as always, there isn't really an answer.  Most of the time, the answer lies in all of the touchy-feely parts of the organization such as leadership, people, insight, ambition, inspiration etc.  All of those things that are very hard to define. The so-called mega churches have made it better, and done something about it.  They have managed to attract a lot of people just like me, perhaps with different theological ideals, but those bored with going to their original church.  The problem is that the bigger your church gets; it seems the more you lose sight of purpose.  Purpose is one area that I give our organization a lot of credit for.

So.  The crux.  I cant buy into a mega church, with the fantastic sermons and services that I crave, because it seems fake.  I cant buy into any church (like mine) that feels the need to tell me how many sundays before or after advent and dishes up the same service as that they did on that Sunday last year.  Worse, when they try to change things, I call the idea weak.  Kinda makes it seem like i dont know what i want huh?

But I do.

I want what i had growing up.   I want to feel convicted by a heartfelt, practiced, and polished sermon, one that isnt read from paper. One that keeps me awake and interested.  One with just the right amount of humor baked into it.  I want to say the Lord's Prayer the way it was intended. I dont want to change the words of the apostle's creed. I want to be personally invited, and maybe even implicitly required to participate in the goings on of the group beyond sunday morning. I want people to make me be in charge of something.  To call me with the assumption that I'm going to help.  I want to respect my pastor more than I respect my boss at work. I want to rely on my church for support in times of need instead of resting on my own faith.  And most of all, I want to feel as if it matters whether i show up or not.

This building does very little of any of that for me.

i should really be writing more often.

Greg 

Friends and Heroes

I have two sons.

As hard as I might try, I fear that I may wake up one day and realize that I have not done enough as a father for them.  I spend hours at night, when i should be sleeping, scared to death that I will fail to show or guide them down the path that they should follow.  Worse, I find myself continually worried that they will find the wrong one no matter how hard I try.

When I think about the possibilities of these outcomes, I am in AWE of my own father and mother.  My parents somehow managed to raise three kids.  None of us were ever in trouble.  We always had part time jobs in high school, and we've all turned out to be good citizens and parents.  I asked my dad the other day how he did it. asked my father in law the same question.  I got the same answer from both.  I dont know how that happened. I was guessing.

Guessing Sucks.

Something changes in you when you realize you are a parent. I read in the papers about a child dying in one way or another, and i go to tears.  ( i know, wimpy right?)   not just a little.  Ive gone into sobbing fits int he car just thinking about it.  I cant imagine.  We want our children to grow up happy, healthy, successful, etc.

I want more for my kids.  I want my kids to "get it."  I know plenty of highly successful people who are empty inside.  Sometimes I qualify.   Although i dont want my kids to be destitute; I do want them to follow whatever dreams they may have.  

This is just the preface.  

I have three friends, IT Guy, Iowan and Foose.  I would call them my buddies but Iowan has long since outlawed the term for reasons I wont explain here.  All three of these guys are heroes.

We'll start with IT Guy.   Here is a guy who met a girl.  They were young.  She had a baby.  SO, unlike anybody i knew at the time, he became Dad to another mans child. WE call him the dude.  Dude is just about 16 now.  AND IT guy and his wife have done very well.  

Im like that too-fun-loving uncle to the dude.   We are talking about an honor roll kid.  Runs for the team like the wind.  kicks the old mans ass at madden at random.   I offered him a beer once while his parents were away.  Wouldnt do it.   IT guy did a great.  A great job.   Being a dad to a kid that shares everything but his blood.  

Hero.

Foose takes little man with him everywhere. They get bored, they go bumming. Little Man is welcome at any gathering that Foose finds himself at .  Its like he has his own mini-me.   Im not saying im a fan of everything that the kid gets exposed to; But Id rather the kid got exposed to it with his daddy right there with him than not.  

Foose always seems to move the kid through things about a year before I would dare do it with my son, but then he only has the one, where I have one the same age as Little Man, and then one two years younger. puts me in a quandary.   Even if i think that Turtle might be ready for something, Tank is there.   Tough call.

But this guy is raising his son to be one of the guys.

Hero.

Iowan.   The big brother I never had.  Last night i watched him literally coo at my 10 week old daughter, his godchild.  This is a big, tough farmer type guy we're talking about.  Cooing.  Completely in love with my daughter.   I have watched him and his teenage daughter give each other shit to no end and laugh their collective asses off about it.   One of the things that i fear most in this parenting nonsense is losing touch with the kids when they hit middle school.

I fear losing touch with my kids because it becomes paralyzing to a relationship.  It can be so hard for a parent and child to relate again after that.  And I know that those years in particular are likely the most important time for a parent and child to be able to relate.

Hero.

I guess we all just make it up as we go along.  But each of these friends of mine deserve a little respect and recognition for what they are doing with their kids.  All of them have different circumstances, Different lives, different incomes.  The trick is that they all have managed to be successful and effective parents.

I am continually impressed my my friends.  I never imagined that I would be encompassed by a group of people who are as caring, loving, and as generally kick ass to hang out with as they are.   I never thought that I would have the privilege to know Men who so genuinely cared about their families and their friends.

Yesterday Tank accused me of having too many friends.  When I asked him what he meant, he told me I was always dragging him and Turtle along to go help somebody or hang out with someone.   Somehow the fact that my first grader picked up on the deep, solid level of my friendships makes it that much more important. I only hope that he gets to have friends like this at my age.

It truly is a blessing to have heroes for friends.

Out.

Zooming In

I don't claim to be a scientist.

And I swear that the following thoughts are entirely original.  So if its been done before, oh well.

I played today with google earth.  For those of you who aren't savvy to it, Google Earth is a collection of satellite photographs which basically allow you to zoom in on any part of the planet that you like.  For instance, when I zoomed in today on my house, I got good enough resolution on the picture to tell you that Thelma, (my 64 Plymouth Convertible) was in the driveway.

This is an amazing technology.  What it got me thinking about was the nature of light.

You see, when I was in college, I took a class called Theoretical Physics.  Pretty sure i earned a "C" or worse in the class.  I didn't get it.  But one of the ideas that we talked about was Light.

You see, there is an ongoing debate going on about whether light is a wave, like sound, or whether it is a series of particles, i believe that is called photon theory or something similar, not sure.  The basis of the debate is based on behaviors that are and can be induced, into the behavior of the things that we can see.

Google Earth.  Something as far away as outer space can gain enough resolution for me to be able to discern which of my cars is in my driveway in Valders.

Ever looked through a high-powered rifle scope?  Something you cant even see with your so-called naked eye becomes crystal clear and in detail.  Exactly my point.

The question at hand tonight is as follows:  How does light work? 


How is it that an image can become blurry, vague, silhouetted, to the point that our eyes can only see some of it, but yet we can magnify it and then see all of the details?  Does this mean that given enough optics, and a field of range allowing us to see it, that we can read anybody's license plate on the planet?  Obviously the evidence says yes.

But how does that work?   Because it was there all along. 

you see, what it seems to point out to me is something that seems to hold true in all of life.  Whatever it is that a person is trying to see, trying to accomplish, trying to learn; given enough time, effort, and desire, will show itself to have been there all along.

Light does not disappear over distance.  It only becomes obscured by other light.  Given enough focus, and the correct optics, those fine details just at the horizon can be brought to, well, brought to light.  The details become clear, and the license plate can be read.

The same i think holds true for the rest of our lives.  With the right combination of attitude and work, the seemingly impossible becomes attainable.

Its time to zoom in.

Eyes on the Prize

Tonight's thought may end up to be a winding road; but then again; aren't they all?

As you know, I enjoy power sports.

One of my favorite parts of power sports is trail riding.  And one of the best places to ride that I'm aware of is in what we refer to as "the north woods" of our state.  As you can imagine, in that part of the area, the trails that we ride can get very narrow, and run through the trees.    

Be it a snowmobile or an ATV, running the trails around here means that you are moving at a relatively high rate of speed sometimes within inches of the trees on the side of the trail.  Yes, it can be dangerous.  But there is a trick to avoiding injury.  Don't look at the trees.

See, when you ride these trails, you have to constantly train your mind to watch the spaces between the obstacles around you.  You are constantly looking to the next curve in the trail and beyond.  The tree that you just passed is just beyond the hole between the trees that you were looking at two corners ago.  The old saying is to not look at the trees coming up, or you will hit them.  As long as you keep your focus on the space between the obstacles as far ahead as you can see, you will likely make your way cleanly down the trail. Anybody who has ever raced anything will give you a similar example; from motorcycles, to cars, to go-karts.

Downhill skiers use this trick as well.   Years ago, I spent several years avidly, almost obsessively, spending time honing my downhill skiing skills.  One of the hardest skills to master is mogul skiing.  For those not familiar, a mogul field is that part of the ski hill that is covered with man-made, staggered bumps, sometimes up to three feet high.  The idea of skiing the bumps as they are called, is to match the rhythm of your turns to the spacing of the bumps.  The problem is that the bumps are not always spaced evenly, so it is a constant adjustment of rhythm.  Any good ski instructor will advise you to always try to be skiing four to five turns ahead of the bump you just turned on.  It is the only way to find your groove down the mountain, and when accomplished, will make you look and feel like a professional.  Properly skiing the bumps is a truly zen-like experience.

Football running backs follow a similar line of logic.  The player will rarely actually be looking at the opponent trying to block him, or bring him down.  rather, if you watch, that player has already anticipated the moves of the person immediately near him, and is already moving on to focusing on finding the next hole in the defense.

Even in chess.  The world's best chess players, or "connect four" players for that matter, will constantly anticipate the moves of their opponent, and adjust their own play with the fourth move in mind. It changes the mindset from a reactive, defensive game to one of strategy and planning.

In each of these examples, the central idea is to maintain focus on where you are headed.   Think of the X-Games.  I have watched people jump some amazing machines over some amazing obstacles and distances.   Having a basic understanding of airborne machines; my normal interest in watching is through the concept of keeping the machine balanced in such a manner as to land it safely.  

In case you have never jumped a motorcycle; it is more than just running it off a ramp and hanging on.  Listen and watch closely some time.   The folks performing these stunts have an absolutely amazing sense of how to keep the machine, which often outweighs them, balanced in the air.   If you listen and watch closely, you will notice a few things...   When airborne, you will often see or hear the rider manipulate the throttle and brakes of the bike in order to keep the nose up, down or neutral as they cross the air.  Simply put, they are using the rotation and weight of the engine and wheels to rotate the bike in the air so as to ensure a good landing. It is a lot to do, and requires immense concentration.

But watch where they are looking while they perform.  They are not looking down.  Or at the bike.  They will have their gaze fixed wholly on the landing ramp, specifically on the part of the landing ramp that they want to hit.   Eyes on the prize.   Looking between the trees.   Looking to the fourth bump.  (or interestingly, in the eyes of our Native Americans, looking to the 7th generation)

I guess the common thread here is focus and planning.   Whatever your goal is, keep your eyes on the prize.  See your obstacles early, adapt, and move on to planning for the next obstacle.   In any example that i have given, that person would tell you not to look at the trees or you will hit it.   Watch beyond where you intend to go, and then go there.  Then look beyond where you want to go next. Be proactive in your planning, make a plan, and then revise your plan through being proactive again.   Rinse and repeat until the goal is reached.   And then make a new goal.

Things that have an end.

My guys worked hard through the hottest, busiest month of the year.  

July here was a hot, muggy month.  these guys work hard for their living.  What that means is that we went through a long month.  That combined with the fact that they like to have time off in the summer is a recipe for a lot of hard-working, very sweaty guys trying to make up for the guys who are off.  They went through more bottles of Gatorade than the dealership could supply them with.  And I was very thankful for the hard work at the end of last week.

Now, I'm likely to be the cheapest guy that you know.  But last week Friday, I reached into my wallet and bought the guys a bunch of dilly bars from Dairy Queen.  And at the end of the day, we all took a few minutes and had an ice cream treat.  And who knew a cherry dilly bar could taste so good. 

I really am going somewhere with this.  I promise. 

The problem with dilly bars is that every bit of them is good.  And they last a long time.  But sooner or later, they are gone.  They end.

This is true for an awful lot of things in life.  There are a ton of things that a person enjoys that sooner or later come to an end, sometimes even a screeching halt. I had a car like that once.  I also had a friend.

I met I.T. guy when I was about 18.  That is 17 years ago.  We were fast friends, and had a lot of similar interests.  We didn't really see eye to eye on a lot of things, but like any friendship, we got along, so we got around those things.  We worked on projects together, had great times hanging out, and later in life took turns pissing off each others wife.  And this went on for the better part of two decades.

After that amount of time you pretty much know a guy inside out and backwards.  You have been through it all together.  Think of the things that a person goes through between 18 and 35 years old.  There are a lot of firsts.

This is a guy that i had as a friend through first loves, high school graduation, college graduation (both of us)  Job issues.  race cars.  First time drunks. drag races. Children.  first homes.  you can imagine the rest of the list.  Absolutely endless.

It is like the worlds longest lasting dilly bar. Even if you get a cherry one it is still pretty good.

My friend and I had words about 6 months ago and haven't spoken since.  And I'm being held to blame, which I don't really deny the blame for.  And although Ive apologized, it was likely not soon enough. At the time i considered the biggest major issue to have been in good fun.  And I took his reaction as having been blown completely out of proportion.

But after that amount of time we started tonight through a text message to get to the bottom of things.  His take apparently is that we've grown apart.  We didn't hang out like we used to, our interests were different, our priorities.  So i get the idea he isn't interested anymore. I feel like a high school girl who just got dumped. I would like to apologize to every girl I have ever broken up with.

Now. I do want to say that my life is just fine without seeing the guy.  But we were friends for so damned long that it bugs me.  I do not find myself able to just say screw it and walk away after that amount of time. Apparently he can.   And yes, 6 months without speaking, but I have tried to make contact with the intent to patch it up during that time. 

And what amazes me about the situation, what really gets at my heart, is the time.  I cant begin to tell you how at the ready we always were for each other.  Say the word and the guy was there.  Me or him.  Can you help me with my car?  Want a beer?  Lets take a road trip.  Dude, help me with this.  Hey lets hang out on Saturday.  Feel like some golf?  Lets have a cookout this afternoon.   Those are the things that I'm going to miss.

I mean, I have a lot of friends.  I have a lot of really good friends.  I am really really blessed to have guys like the Iowan, Foose, Puller, The Legend, B-Money, The Professor, and a lot more, but I think I would be writing this about any of them in a similar situation.

And I also have a lot of friends that I haven't seen in years due to the natural progression of life.  I haven't seen the guys that I hung out with in high school in like five years.  Id like to, but there never seems to be time.  But this one.  This one hurts.  This isn't a guy I want to give up. But, like breaking up, he seems all too willing to do so. So I guess I don't have a choice.

So I guess this is going to be like my dilly bar Friday.  It was a big dilly bar, and damned it was good, but now all Ive got left is the stick at the end.

At the end........

My Wedding Ring

When Babe and I were in the process of planning our wedding, there came a day to pick out the rings.  Her ring was relatively easy to choose, because it was part of a set, the other ring being of course the engagement ring that she was already wearing.  Mine was a bit more difficult.  For young men, the process of choosing a ring is sometimes complicated.  For me, I wanted a ring that blended with my life and my personality.  If you look at a man's wedding ring, you generally can tell a lot about him.  I have a friend who has one that is titanium.  Very heavy, yet very sleek looking. The edges are sort of tapered and faceted, and look modern and classy.  I have another friend who has a very basic, but very handsome simple gold band.  If you were to commit yourself to it, and look intentionally at the rings that men wear, I think you would understand the corollary that I am trying to examine.

The other thing that you might get a glimpse of would be the roads that those rings have taken.  The shiny and new rings will often belong to people who are somewhat newly married.  Men like my father, who have been married a very long time, will often have replaced the original ring one or more times, and yet the ring they wear will often have some scratches and some natural polishing and wear showing. Because a man will usually wear his ring at all times, it is exposed to whatever the hand wearing it is exposed to. A ring belonging to a gardener will often be softly polished by the abrasive dirt it finds itself in.

My favorite are the ones that have been worn for a very long time.  Those rings are usually in a condition similar to the bearer.  I recently saw a wedding ring that a gentleman had been wearing for 50 years.  That amount of time, combined with faithful polishing, had created a piece of jewelry that was polished and patinad in a way that only time can do.  I imagine that this man's marriage shows the same amount of luster and history.

Soon, we will celebrate ten years of marriage.  And with that, I examined my own ring today.  My ring is a fairly simple gold band, that band is wrapped with a narrower platinum band.  When it was new, and still polished, the luster of the gold was such that it was hard to tell that the two metals were a different color.  For the first several years that we were married, I made a point to have it polished every so often at the jewelry store.

But, like any relationship; after a while the ring began to age a little.  I havent had it polished in quite a while. Thinking about that is what prompted this essay. It has developed scratches, dings, and a very large dent.  Quite a few years ago now I had to jumpstart a truck.  Remember what I said about the resemblance of the ring to the bearer?  Well, the hood of the truck had quite a bit of snow on it, and while I was removing the battery box after getting it running, the hood slammed down.  It could not have hit my ring more squarely.  Later that evening, I was telling the story, and went to pull the ring off, only to discover that the ring had been fairly crushed, and was now oblong to the point that it would not slide off of my finger. What was odd was that not only had i felt no pain when the hood came down, but there was absolutely no damage to my finger.

Yes, I believe that my wedding ring saved my finger from major injury.

SO, like any good mechanic would do, I used a few tools and did my best to make the thing round again.  And I wear it that way to this day.

I know a lot of people who take care of thier rings the same way that I did at first, Those guys are the ones who ask me now and then when I'm going to take mine in to be straightened out and repolished. They keep them in polished, shiny condition at all times.  They dont want anybody to ever see the ring looking less than perfect.

But my ring tells a story.  All in all, we have had a pretty good marriage.  I know a lot of people who have not made it this long.  We have had some struggles, we've seen some scratches in our rings, and we've even had a couple big dents over the years.  But over time, we have always managed to find a way to get things back into shape.  We are not the exact same shiny polished couple that we may have been, but each of those scratches, dings, and dents have had an impact on us.  To me, to polish the ring would be to deny the past.  It would mean a willingness to set aside some of those things that we have gotten through together.  It would almost make light of the struggle.  Babe and I have worked hard, and worked together over the last decade to be a team in things, to smooth out the bumps in the road.  To polish the ring to me is pretending that some of the things that have happened to us as a couple were not important.

One of the best things about metal is what is called Tempering.  By inducing stress into a metal, through heat or through force, or some combination of the two, the metal itself becomes stronger.  My ring was tempered by the force of the truck-hood.  In much the same way, struggle and difficulty can temper a relationship.

You have heard in these posts about some of the things that Babe and I have been through together.  Each of these has caused us stress as a couple, and tempered our relationship.  Each of these things has been very important to our relationship on a very basic level.  And I wouldn't dare try to forget about them.

I think that it is important to remember with pride those things that a couple has conquered.  Those times when things weren't necessarily fun.  The sad things that have happened.  The financial struggles.  Times when you didn't like your job, or didnt have a job.  I'm not talking about problems in a relationship here, but rather those problems that your relationship has allowed you to overcome together.

I'm still not sure if I will go get my ring polished or not.  Part of me says that it would be a way to close a chapter and open another.  Part of me says that it is just fine the way it is. Part of me says I should do what any married man would do and ask my wife.