Why i dislike going to church.

Why do I dislike going to church? 

I was raised in a family that went to church, well, religiously. (sorry, couldnt help the pun)  I have a christian or gospel radio station playing in my car 95% of the time.  I pray often.  I do not have a problem with my beliefs.  

But I hate going to church. I think i figured out some of that tonight.  

I was on the way home, knowing that I only was going to have a few minutes in the house before it would be time to go.  To Church. GRRRR.  Babe is on a Wednesday night service kick lately.  And I was not at all happy with the proposition.  I started to wonder what the big deal was, why i was so upset about going.

I tried on the idea that i was giving up time much needed for other things. Cop out. Weak.

I tried on the idea that it was ok with God if i didnt show up.  yeah, right.

So I started thinking about the fact that I was making excuses to not step into the building.  And that's when it hit me.

We attend a Lutheran church..  I was raised Evangelical.  Not only that, but i was raised with a pastor who could literally fill a church on the basis of his sermons.  I remember "getting something" out of being in the room. I remember feeling as though something about being at church affected me in some way.  to be coy, "it came from the heart"  I remember feeling inspired after a service.

Not that we danced around and spoke in tongues during our services, but when our pastor gave a sermon, there was some emotion attached to it.

I dont feel any of that in our church.   We have been going to this place for 11 years, and I feel as though I could do church in my sleep.  I know all of the "prayers."   I can practically recite the service.  And worse, the sermons could be read by the pastor from something somebody else wrote. And you can tell he is reading it. I'm not picking on pastors, but in the church that I grew up in, the pastor worked on his sermon. All Week.  He memorized it.  He felt it.  What he was going to tell us mattered.   

In short, I dont like going to church because it is not my church.  I find it boring. I find it routine. And i find it to be sort of a waste of time.  If the idea of a church is to incite and educate, frankly, a service at this one does neither for me.  If the idea is to make you feel good because you checked the box for attendance, well, i guess it works. But I dont get much out of the service beyond the check mark, which I frankly dont think God cares about.

The worst for me is the idea of a "contemporary" Wednesday service.  The praise team does a great job playing and singing some more mainstream music.  I love that part.  But the only difference in the rest of the service is a little re-wording of the prayers etc.  See my post "playing telephone" for my feelings on rewording the words of the scriptures.  

Of course, any time a person is critical of anything, the next question is a challenge.  What are we supposed to do about it?  What would make it better?  And as always, there isn't really an answer.  Most of the time, the answer lies in all of the touchy-feely parts of the organization such as leadership, people, insight, ambition, inspiration etc.  All of those things that are very hard to define. The so-called mega churches have made it better, and done something about it.  They have managed to attract a lot of people just like me, perhaps with different theological ideals, but those bored with going to their original church.  The problem is that the bigger your church gets; it seems the more you lose sight of purpose.  Purpose is one area that I give our organization a lot of credit for.

So.  The crux.  I cant buy into a mega church, with the fantastic sermons and services that I crave, because it seems fake.  I cant buy into any church (like mine) that feels the need to tell me how many sundays before or after advent and dishes up the same service as that they did on that Sunday last year.  Worse, when they try to change things, I call the idea weak.  Kinda makes it seem like i dont know what i want huh?

But I do.

I want what i had growing up.   I want to feel convicted by a heartfelt, practiced, and polished sermon, one that isnt read from paper. One that keeps me awake and interested.  One with just the right amount of humor baked into it.  I want to say the Lord's Prayer the way it was intended. I dont want to change the words of the apostle's creed. I want to be personally invited, and maybe even implicitly required to participate in the goings on of the group beyond sunday morning. I want people to make me be in charge of something.  To call me with the assumption that I'm going to help.  I want to respect my pastor more than I respect my boss at work. I want to rely on my church for support in times of need instead of resting on my own faith.  And most of all, I want to feel as if it matters whether i show up or not.

This building does very little of any of that for me.

i should really be writing more often.

Greg