There are things that matter.
There are things that complete a person metaphysically. What that means really gets into the meat of what our existence is. I remember a cartoon years ago of earth inside a terrarium and a big lizard looking in on us. If you think about it, its just as easy to believe in as the teachings of our christian faith. "God is looking down on you from heaven." or from the outside of a fishbowl....
Metaphysics gets into the heart of your own reality.
again. there are things that matter. but what things matter most?
For me, there are the obvious, easy answers. my kids. my wife. my family. etc. But then it gets harder to define.
I love music. The style and type of music that i take in are very wide-ranging. But anyone who spends time with me has seen me beating out a rhythm on something without even realizing it. They could all tell you about that weird jazzy CD i had in the car that they really didn't care for. For me, music is one of those things that can sooth, release, and absorb me.
Integrity. I believe that what you say, and what you do should match. I don't think that a person who breaks their word to anybody can even trust themselves. If you make a promise, keep it.
Be careful. Not cautious, but full of care. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the moment to the point that you forget the needs of those around you. Care enough to pay attention to their concerns, their comfort, their needs, and their wants. Be careful.
Always go for it. Whatever it seems to you at the time is made of unobtainium, go get it. As I say a lot, Find a way. Don't back down from some challenge because it seems hard, more than you can do, etc. (you know, a challenge...)
Lose your pride. Dont be too good for someone. Dont be to good for something. Some of the greatest minds that i have encountered have been wrapped in the unlikeliest of bodies and clothes. Dont be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Dont be embarrassed to admit your mistakes. lose your pride.
Lose your ego. As I have said many times; things always go better when you decide that you are the least important person in the room. people are more interested in your thoughts. you are more interested in theirs. The easiest way to improve the relationships in your life is to stop thinking of them as your relationship with that person and start thinking of them as the relationship that the person has with you.
Give. Whatever you have to give. For some its your money. Or your time. Or your shoulder to cry on. Or a ride to work. It is not really crucial what you give. It is more important that you do so.
We only get a few years on this adventure. The Lord says we get 70 years. The best thing that any of us can do is to enjoy what it is that has been provided for us. But do it with soul. Dont do your things because your friends do. Or because the media tells you its cool. Or any of the other umpteen reasons that people do things that they dont really believe in.
Having soul is relative to having a code. Define who it is that you want to be. set yourself some lofty goals. Try to be better than you believe you can be. But have soul.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite examples of soul.. I was to a car show recently... There were two cars that really stuck out in my mind. one was a trailered in, polished to the max show car that i dont think has been driven since it was finished. I am sure that the owner has a lot of blood sweat and tears invested.
The other car was what we call a rat rod. It was a cool body style car, mechanically built very well, with no updates to the bodywork. But it looked like something the owner might have driven in high school. It was period correct.
Which has more soul?
Try to always allow your impact to be more important that your rewards, for that is the essence of what it means to have soul.
Thanks for tuning in....
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Relationships
What is a serious relationship?
When you begin you talk about your significant other, what is it that you talk about?
Some of us talk about that person's accomplishments in life. Some of us talk about our sex life. Some of us talk about the children that we have brought into the world together. Some of us complain. Some of us talk about what the person looks like. Some of us talk about how much money they make. The list goes on and on.
What do you talk about? What is it about that person that keeps you interested? And most importantly, are you focused on the things that are important to you; or those things that are important to the person you are talking to?
I was forced this week to think about how often it happens that we are focused on different things in our relationships.
In this situation, and it is important because the differences caused the end of a relationship, the things that they were focused on were very different indeed, but yet could have been aligned given some good communication. I will admit, however, that the communication would have had to happen quite a while ago.
He was focused on being the best daddy, and provider that he could. This kept him from home for a full time job, and also for the purpose of working on the side in an effort to make extra money to support the household. Additionally, as we all do, he needed time with his friends.
She was focused on many of the same things, but worked an opposite shift of what he did. What happened is that many of the times that they could have been spending together, he was working on the side, or relieving stress with other people.
What happened is that she ended up feeling as though he wasnt giving her the attention that she needed. He wasnt fulfilling that part of her that wanted the same amount of attention that he gave to his work, his side jobs, his daughter, and his friends. This led to her finding somebody who would give her that attention for now. He ended up with a broken heart and a lot of confusion over what caused the situation. Bear in mind that his goals were to provide for the family no matter how much time it took, and also that he thought that she understood that fact.
I do not know the third party involved. That fact does not bother me even a little. I do know that he does not know what he is in for. Right now, I think that the two of them are having a good time, everything is fresh and new. He's trying to be nice to the child, give his girlfriend whatever she wants, etc.
But here is what I also know. For a long time, the ex-boyfriend managed to keep the wheels turning. He was a great daddy, and will be forever by the way. He managed to earn a good living for them. He worked hard to pay off the debts that they had. He stayed home with the baby when he needed to. He tried to be good to his girlfriend and give her whatever amount of time that he could. He is a great friend. The guy doesnt have any time left except to sleep when he's got all of that done.
I think that this new guy has a hell of a rough row to hoe. And I also think that he doesnt have any idea. I hope for the little girl's sake that he is strong enough to keep up.
Communication is key in any relationship. "The legend" (my friend the ex-boyfriend) would have changed his whole world for this woman if he had known that she wanted him to. But the communication wasnt there. Legend would have quit working on the side. He would have limited his time with friends. I believe that if he had been made aware of what she felt she needed, he would have taken whatever steps he needed to take in order to make things better for her.
But its too late now.
My fear is that Legend's ex-girl may someday soon find out how good she really had it, and that it will be way too late to get it back. It is very likely that by the time she does, he will have found somebody else. And that will be her loss when it happens. I also fear that this new guy isnt going to turn out to have enough of a pair to deal with the fact that he just became an instant de-facto husband and father. Im not afraid for him. Im afraid for the toddler, whom i love dearly.
And so it goes... In any relationship, there ought to be one simple rule that we all live by... "I am the least important person here. My needs and desires need to come after the needs and desires of those around me. I need to humble myself to those that I am in relationships with and take my pleasure from filling their needs."
I honestly believe that if we all had this attitude, every relationship in our lives would benefit greatly. It would make you a better friend. A more caring husband. A less egotistical boss. A more willing employee. You can fill in the blanks from there.
Imagine how Legend's situation could have turned out given his attitude adjustment.
From his perspective, maybe he would have simply made a point to adjust his schedule so that he could go grocery shopping or run errands with her.
Maybe she would have taken the time to notice what he was trying to do for them as a family.
Maybe they would have been able to get on the same page about their life goals.
And perhaps, just maybe, it wouldnt have had to end.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish people could just set their own ego's aside and talk about things. This relationship is truly tragic.
When you begin you talk about your significant other, what is it that you talk about?
Some of us talk about that person's accomplishments in life. Some of us talk about our sex life. Some of us talk about the children that we have brought into the world together. Some of us complain. Some of us talk about what the person looks like. Some of us talk about how much money they make. The list goes on and on.
What do you talk about? What is it about that person that keeps you interested? And most importantly, are you focused on the things that are important to you; or those things that are important to the person you are talking to?
I was forced this week to think about how often it happens that we are focused on different things in our relationships.
In this situation, and it is important because the differences caused the end of a relationship, the things that they were focused on were very different indeed, but yet could have been aligned given some good communication. I will admit, however, that the communication would have had to happen quite a while ago.
He was focused on being the best daddy, and provider that he could. This kept him from home for a full time job, and also for the purpose of working on the side in an effort to make extra money to support the household. Additionally, as we all do, he needed time with his friends.
She was focused on many of the same things, but worked an opposite shift of what he did. What happened is that many of the times that they could have been spending together, he was working on the side, or relieving stress with other people.
What happened is that she ended up feeling as though he wasnt giving her the attention that she needed. He wasnt fulfilling that part of her that wanted the same amount of attention that he gave to his work, his side jobs, his daughter, and his friends. This led to her finding somebody who would give her that attention for now. He ended up with a broken heart and a lot of confusion over what caused the situation. Bear in mind that his goals were to provide for the family no matter how much time it took, and also that he thought that she understood that fact.
I do not know the third party involved. That fact does not bother me even a little. I do know that he does not know what he is in for. Right now, I think that the two of them are having a good time, everything is fresh and new. He's trying to be nice to the child, give his girlfriend whatever she wants, etc.
But here is what I also know. For a long time, the ex-boyfriend managed to keep the wheels turning. He was a great daddy, and will be forever by the way. He managed to earn a good living for them. He worked hard to pay off the debts that they had. He stayed home with the baby when he needed to. He tried to be good to his girlfriend and give her whatever amount of time that he could. He is a great friend. The guy doesnt have any time left except to sleep when he's got all of that done.
I think that this new guy has a hell of a rough row to hoe. And I also think that he doesnt have any idea. I hope for the little girl's sake that he is strong enough to keep up.
Communication is key in any relationship. "The legend" (my friend the ex-boyfriend) would have changed his whole world for this woman if he had known that she wanted him to. But the communication wasnt there. Legend would have quit working on the side. He would have limited his time with friends. I believe that if he had been made aware of what she felt she needed, he would have taken whatever steps he needed to take in order to make things better for her.
But its too late now.
My fear is that Legend's ex-girl may someday soon find out how good she really had it, and that it will be way too late to get it back. It is very likely that by the time she does, he will have found somebody else. And that will be her loss when it happens. I also fear that this new guy isnt going to turn out to have enough of a pair to deal with the fact that he just became an instant de-facto husband and father. Im not afraid for him. Im afraid for the toddler, whom i love dearly.
And so it goes... In any relationship, there ought to be one simple rule that we all live by... "I am the least important person here. My needs and desires need to come after the needs and desires of those around me. I need to humble myself to those that I am in relationships with and take my pleasure from filling their needs."
I honestly believe that if we all had this attitude, every relationship in our lives would benefit greatly. It would make you a better friend. A more caring husband. A less egotistical boss. A more willing employee. You can fill in the blanks from there.
Imagine how Legend's situation could have turned out given his attitude adjustment.
From his perspective, maybe he would have simply made a point to adjust his schedule so that he could go grocery shopping or run errands with her.
Maybe she would have taken the time to notice what he was trying to do for them as a family.
Maybe they would have been able to get on the same page about their life goals.
And perhaps, just maybe, it wouldnt have had to end.
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish people could just set their own ego's aside and talk about things. This relationship is truly tragic.
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