Why do I dislike going
to church?
I was raised in a family
that went to church, well, religiously. (sorry, couldnt help the pun) I
have a christian or gospel radio station playing in my car 95% of the time.
I pray often. I do not have a problem with my beliefs.
But I hate going to
church. I think i figured out some of that tonight.
I was on the way home,
knowing that I only was going to have a few minutes in the house before it
would be time to go. To Church. GRRRR. Babe is on a Wednesday night
service kick lately. And I was not at all happy with the proposition.
I started to wonder what the big deal was, why i was so upset about
going.
I tried on the idea that
i was giving up time much needed for other things. Cop out. Weak.
I tried on the idea that
it was ok with God if i didnt show up. yeah, right.
So I started thinking
about the fact that I was making excuses to not step into the building.
And that's when it hit me.
We attend a Lutheran
church.. I was raised Evangelical. Not only that, but i was raised
with a pastor who could literally fill a church on the basis of his sermons.
I remember "getting something" out of being in the room. I
remember feeling as though something about being at church affected me in some
way. to be coy, "it came from the heart" I remember
feeling inspired after a service.
Not that we danced
around and spoke in tongues during our services, but when our pastor gave a
sermon, there was some emotion attached to it.
I dont feel any of that
in our church. We have been going to this place for 11 years, and I feel
as though I could do church in my sleep. I know all of the
"prayers." I can practically recite the service. And
worse, the sermons could be read by the pastor from something somebody else
wrote. And you can tell he is reading it. I'm not picking on pastors, but in
the church that I grew up in, the pastor worked on his sermon. All Week.
He memorized it. He felt it. What he was going to tell us
mattered.
In short, I dont like
going to church because it is not my church. I find it boring. I find it
routine. And i find it to be sort of a waste of time. If the idea of a
church is to incite and educate, frankly, a service at this one does neither
for me. If the idea is to make you feel good because you checked the box
for attendance, well, i guess it works. But I dont get much out of the service
beyond the check mark, which I frankly dont think God cares about.
The worst for me is the
idea of a "contemporary" Wednesday service. The praise team
does a great job playing and singing some more mainstream music. I love
that part. But the only difference in the rest of the service is a little
re-wording of the prayers etc. See my post "playing telephone"
for my feelings on rewording the words of the scriptures.
Of course, any time a
person is critical of anything, the next question is a challenge. What
are we supposed to do about it? What would make it better? And as
always, there isn't really an answer. Most of the time, the answer lies
in all of the touchy-feely parts of the organization such as leadership,
people, insight, ambition, inspiration etc. All of those things that are
very hard to define. The so-called mega churches have made it better, and done
something about it. They have managed to attract a lot of people just
like me, perhaps with different theological ideals, but those bored with going
to their original church. The problem is that the bigger your church
gets; it seems the more you lose sight of purpose. Purpose is one area
that I give our organization a lot of credit for.
So. The crux.
I cant buy into a mega church, with the fantastic sermons and services
that I crave, because it seems fake. I cant buy into any church (like
mine) that feels the need to tell me how many sundays before or after advent
and dishes up the same service as that they did on that Sunday last year.
Worse, when they try to change things, I call the idea weak. Kinda
makes it seem like i dont know what i want huh?
But I do.
I want what i had growing
up. I want to feel convicted by a heartfelt, practiced, and polished
sermon, one that isnt read from paper. One that keeps me awake and interested.
One with just the right amount of humor baked into it. I want to
say the Lord's Prayer the way it was intended. I dont want to change the words
of the apostle's creed. I want to be personally invited, and maybe even
implicitly required to participate in the goings on of the group beyond sunday
morning. I want people to make me be in charge of something. To call me
with the assumption that I'm going to help. I want to respect my pastor
more than I respect my boss at work. I want to rely on my church for support in
times of need instead of resting on my own faith. And most of all, I want
to feel as if it matters whether i show up or not.
This building does very
little of any of that for me.
i should really be
writing more often.
Greg
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