Getting back on that bike....

Those of us who are parents have all run into a few things in pretty much the same way.

One of those things has to do with teaching our children courage. Unfortunately, usually we are teaching a lesson that we are not sure we even know. I know that I am not usually willing to do something that i think could hurt me. How in the world am I supposed to teach my child to get past that feeling? It is to me the definition of courage.

Tonight I was privileged to participate in just such a lesson.

My neighbors have a daughter, whom we will call the little cutie. She is very upset that both of my boys ride a two wheeler, and does want to learn to do so. Her parents have been working very hard to teach her for the last few days, but with only limited success.

So tonight was another lesson.

Oddly, we represented all of the varieties of the task. We had a person who was willing to try, but also willing to give up. We had one who was trying as hard as could be done, but had a hard time controlling frustration. And we had one who had the unconditional love, but unfortunately, very poor aim. ( pine tree)

In short, Cutie will learn to ride a two wheeler very soon.

The more important element at work today is courage. Courage is to me that element of personality that provokes us to go on despite some obstruction, some force, that seems to be driving against us. It is that which does not allow us to give up in the face of the insurmountable.
It is that that helps us to try even though we face embarrassment, pain, sometimes even death. Courage is what keeps pow's alive. Courage is what makes a woman sit in the front of the bus. Courage, really, is that which creates any important change in our world.

That's right, i just compared training wheels to changing the world. And i meant it.

Think for a second what it must be like to realize that the very structure that kept you from scrapes and bruises on the certain death of the sidewalk were just removed by your father. It takes a shitload of courage to even try to ride the bike. To a little one, it is the emotional equivalent of taking on a Nazi squadron with a bow and arrow.

Which brings me to the central point of tonights thought.

Cutie kept on trying through the tears. She knew that she did not want any part of her to touch the ground during the course of trying to ride, she also could envision riding on the big girl bike. Bravo. She showed real courage. Even though her words did not indicate the sentiment, she kept getting back on.

In any show of courage, the person will make some sort of a plan, and then follow through in the face of uncertain odds.

This is exactly what our country needs to do right now. We suffer under the reign of the media. Good news does not sell. SO most of us are led to believe that we face a very uncertain future, cast in the light of alligators at our doors, and terrorists just over the horizon. So we cower in fear lately. We do not spend money. We work at our jobs just hard enough to keep them. I believe that most employed americans are working less hard at their jobs right now than they did when we were being told things were good. I believe this is so because I think that people are just waiting to be laid off, fired, etc.

This is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we believe that our economy is in the tubes, it will be. If we believe that there is no reason to show interest because we are going to lose our jobs any second, we will lose our jobs. Not because the economy is bad, but rather because we havent been doing them. If we believe that we are losing jobs in this country because the almighty "they" can do it faster, better and cheaper that we can, they will do it, and we will lose them.

It is time to behave like the little cutie. Work hard if you have a job. Work hard to get a job if you dont have one. Show some courage in the idea that you will be ok. Dont be afraid of the idea that things are bad, show some courage that things arent so bad.

Turtle crashed his atv sunday night. It was his worst crash to date. Thank goodness that he wasnt hurt, but it isnt the point. Immediately after I righted it and brought it to him, the little man climbed on it and rode it back to the house. He had just crashed and was scared. Courage.

The world is not going to end tomorrow. Show some courage in your own ability to keep it turning. Dont be afraid to buy the things that you need if you are able to buy them. Question the media. Is your life different that it was before? Bear in mind, although some of our lives are different, most of them have not really changed that much. It requires our own use of the c word to even question that.

Cutie knew without a doubt that her world was different. She could look down where her training wheels used to be and know for certain. She still tried to ride the bike. Most of us, I think, look around at what we are being told about our lives, and without even a little bit of certainty about the facts, are not showing courage in our own ability to deal with the situation.

Show some courage, Its the only way out of this thing.

Until next time,
Greg

Finding Soul

There are things that matter.

There are things that complete a person metaphysically. What that means really gets into the meat of what our existence is. I remember a cartoon years ago of earth inside a terrarium and a big lizard looking in on us. If you think about it, its just as easy to believe in as the teachings of our christian faith. "God is looking down on you from heaven." or from the outside of a fishbowl....

Metaphysics gets into the heart of your own reality.

again. there are things that matter. but what things matter most?

For me, there are the obvious, easy answers. my kids. my wife. my family. etc. But then it gets harder to define.

I love music. The style and type of music that i take in are very wide-ranging. But anyone who spends time with me has seen me beating out a rhythm on something without even realizing it. They could all tell you about that weird jazzy CD i had in the car that they really didn't care for. For me, music is one of those things that can sooth, release, and absorb me.

Integrity. I believe that what you say, and what you do should match. I don't think that a person who breaks their word to anybody can even trust themselves. If you make a promise, keep it.

Be careful. Not cautious, but full of care. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the moment to the point that you forget the needs of those around you. Care enough to pay attention to their concerns, their comfort, their needs, and their wants. Be careful.

Always go for it. Whatever it seems to you at the time is made of unobtainium, go get it. As I say a lot, Find a way. Don't back down from some challenge because it seems hard, more than you can do, etc. (you know, a challenge...)

Lose your pride. Dont be too good for someone. Dont be to good for something. Some of the greatest minds that i have encountered have been wrapped in the unlikeliest of bodies and clothes. Dont be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Dont be embarrassed to admit your mistakes. lose your pride.

Lose your ego. As I have said many times; things always go better when you decide that you are the least important person in the room. people are more interested in your thoughts. you are more interested in theirs. The easiest way to improve the relationships in your life is to stop thinking of them as your relationship with that person and start thinking of them as the relationship that the person has with you.

Give. Whatever you have to give. For some its your money. Or your time. Or your shoulder to cry on. Or a ride to work. It is not really crucial what you give. It is more important that you do so.

We only get a few years on this adventure. The Lord says we get 70 years. The best thing that any of us can do is to enjoy what it is that has been provided for us. But do it with soul. Dont do your things because your friends do. Or because the media tells you its cool. Or any of the other umpteen reasons that people do things that they dont really believe in.

Having soul is relative to having a code. Define who it is that you want to be. set yourself some lofty goals. Try to be better than you believe you can be. But have soul.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite examples of soul.. I was to a car show recently... There were two cars that really stuck out in my mind. one was a trailered in, polished to the max show car that i dont think has been driven since it was finished. I am sure that the owner has a lot of blood sweat and tears invested.

The other car was what we call a rat rod. It was a cool body style car, mechanically built very well, with no updates to the bodywork. But it looked like something the owner might have driven in high school. It was period correct.

Which has more soul?

Try to always allow your impact to be more important that your rewards, for that is the essence of what it means to have soul.

Thanks for tuning in....

Relationships

What is a serious relationship?

When you begin you talk about your significant other, what is it that you talk about?

Some of us talk about that person's accomplishments in life. Some of us talk about our sex life. Some of us talk about the children that we have brought into the world together. Some of us complain. Some of us talk about what the person looks like. Some of us talk about how much money they make. The list goes on and on.

What do you talk about? What is it about that person that keeps you interested? And most importantly, are you focused on the things that are important to you; or those things that are important to the person you are talking to?

I was forced this week to think about how often it happens that we are focused on different things in our relationships.

In this situation, and it is important because the differences caused the end of a relationship, the things that they were focused on were very different indeed, but yet could have been aligned given some good communication. I will admit, however, that the communication would have had to happen quite a while ago.

He was focused on being the best daddy, and provider that he could. This kept him from home for a full time job, and also for the purpose of working on the side in an effort to make extra money to support the household. Additionally, as we all do, he needed time with his friends.

She was focused on many of the same things, but worked an opposite shift of what he did. What happened is that many of the times that they could have been spending together, he was working on the side, or relieving stress with other people.

What happened is that she ended up feeling as though he wasnt giving her the attention that she needed. He wasnt fulfilling that part of her that wanted the same amount of attention that he gave to his work, his side jobs, his daughter, and his friends. This led to her finding somebody who would give her that attention for now. He ended up with a broken heart and a lot of confusion over what caused the situation. Bear in mind that his goals were to provide for the family no matter how much time it took, and also that he thought that she understood that fact.

I do not know the third party involved. That fact does not bother me even a little. I do know that he does not know what he is in for. Right now, I think that the two of them are having a good time, everything is fresh and new. He's trying to be nice to the child, give his girlfriend whatever she wants, etc.

But here is what I also know. For a long time, the ex-boyfriend managed to keep the wheels turning. He was a great daddy, and will be forever by the way. He managed to earn a good living for them. He worked hard to pay off the debts that they had. He stayed home with the baby when he needed to. He tried to be good to his girlfriend and give her whatever amount of time that he could. He is a great friend. The guy doesnt have any time left except to sleep when he's got all of that done.

I think that this new guy has a hell of a rough row to hoe. And I also think that he doesnt have any idea. I hope for the little girl's sake that he is strong enough to keep up.

Communication is key in any relationship. "The legend" (my friend the ex-boyfriend) would have changed his whole world for this woman if he had known that she wanted him to. But the communication wasnt there. Legend would have quit working on the side. He would have limited his time with friends. I believe that if he had been made aware of what she felt she needed, he would have taken whatever steps he needed to take in order to make things better for her.

But its too late now.

My fear is that Legend's ex-girl may someday soon find out how good she really had it, and that it will be way too late to get it back. It is very likely that by the time she does, he will have found somebody else. And that will be her loss when it happens. I also fear that this new guy isnt going to turn out to have enough of a pair to deal with the fact that he just became an instant de-facto husband and father. Im not afraid for him. Im afraid for the toddler, whom i love dearly.

And so it goes... In any relationship, there ought to be one simple rule that we all live by... "I am the least important person here. My needs and desires need to come after the needs and desires of those around me. I need to humble myself to those that I am in relationships with and take my pleasure from filling their needs."

I honestly believe that if we all had this attitude, every relationship in our lives would benefit greatly. It would make you a better friend. A more caring husband. A less egotistical boss. A more willing employee. You can fill in the blanks from there.

Imagine how Legend's situation could have turned out given his attitude adjustment.

From his perspective, maybe he would have simply made a point to adjust his schedule so that he could go grocery shopping or run errands with her.

Maybe she would have taken the time to notice what he was trying to do for them as a family.

Maybe they would have been able to get on the same page about their life goals.

And perhaps, just maybe, it wouldnt have had to end.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish people could just set their own ego's aside and talk about things. This relationship is truly tragic.

More on Motivation

I am having a harder time working on this car than the last one. It isn't that i don't want to do the work. It isn't that I don't have the time. Oddly enough, it doesn't have to do with my skill level, which it did at the onset of the last project.

I think that this go round, I simply do not feel the same need for stress relief that I felt at this point in the last project.

Why is it that our accomplishments seem to come during those times that we are stressed?

It would appear that most times that I have done really exceptionally well; I have felt some urgent stressor to get to work.

So tonight I am going to examine this relationship. I think there are really only a few things in life that can motivate us.

Things that we want to accomplish can motivate. We want the next promotion, the next level in our savings account, the next loan paid off, those five fewer strokes off of our golf game. These sorts of stressors are usually self-inflicted, and have to do with whatever it is that we are interested in at the time.

Things that others want can also motivate. Your wife wants the bathroom back during a remodelling project. Your boss wants the sale you are working on to be complete. Your friends want to go out for a beer while you are working on either of the above.

Finally, things that your morals dictate will motivate. You have to stop at the side of the road and help that family with the broken or stuck car. You have to get to church by eight on Sunday. You have to be a patient and loving parent.

So why cant I get to work on this car?

Well, i think it goes like this. I have illustrated before that I likely have enough toys as it is, so the drive to finish the car isnt as great because I already have a Sunday Cruiser. In addition, My other toys need time as well, so that limits the time that I could be spending. This addresses the "things that I want" category.

Nobody that I know really cares when the car is done. For once, this is a project that I am working on for me and me alone. So that stressor also is absent.

Needless to say, there isnt a moral stressor to accomplish this restoration.

Which begs the question, "why am I letting this bother me if there is no stress to finish the job?"

Because it begs the question is the answer. It is clear at this point that I do find the job to be important, just maybe not as important at this time of the year as the other things that are going on.

So what do you do when you want to get something done, but dont want to get it done bad enough to be stressed about it? I think in this case, I am going to have to just make it a priority, whether I feel that I have to do so or not. otherwise the thing is just going to sit in my garage and take up space. And i think that this exact phrase may just be the stressor that I need. It is taking up space in the garage. If I get it done, at least I will be able to play with it.

Im going to go get to work.
Good night.
Greg

Patience.

Each time that I jot some notes here, I try to make sure that it is a form of discovery for me. Not so much that the writing is a source of discovery, but that the process of communicating the ideas helps me to organize whatever it is that my mind is whirring about with.

Today's thought is patience. It does not seem to make much of a difference what the subject matter is. Whatever your goal is, the end result will be much more satisfactory if you treat it with some patience.

I am living proof of a person's capacity to get a lot of work done in a very short amount of time. My biggest character flaw however, has been a lack of patience. Most people that I know can tell you a story about something that I have been involved with that turned out well, but could have been even better if i had "just spent a little more time."

Patience. I worked on three separate projects today. All three of them turned out very well in my opinion, but could have been just average. Today I had patience. What was the difference from my usual get it done attitude?

Job one: Foose's window tint. I am by no means a window tinting expert. But I've done enough of it in the past to have learned patience the hard way. I would say I managed to pull off a semi-professional quality job on the windows today due to my own capacity for patience. Why? Not my car, and I wanted it to be perfect. It will be close once it cures.

Job two: Mrs. Onslager's Driveway. Our across-the-street neighbor has a gravel drive that was sort of washed out by storm water. My other neighbor, we'll call him the Iowan, we haven't introduced him yet, brought his skid steer home yesterday so that I could gather up some gravel and re-grade the driveway with it. Again, I exercised some patience with the equipment, and the result looks fantastic.

Job three: My own kids. Likely enough said. I tend to find that even when you are frustrated by the fact that your kids have the attention span of a flashbulb, exercising a little patience really will change the frustration to enjoyment of your time with them.

As I set about examining this idea today, I sort of found that it applies to most areas of life. Those people who are most financially stable seem to also be the ones who are most patient in their quest to acquire the things they want to own. Those who are revered as skilled craftsmen are also know for being nit-picky, which is just another word for patient. Those who practice a craft to perfection have exercised the p-word with one particular skill set to the point where us mere mortals may have become bored. Other places for extreme patience; Hunters, Carpenters, Masons, etc.

There do not seem to be areas in life which do not lend themselves well to the idea. I dare you to find a situation in which the quality of the result is not due to exercising the skill either in using or learning the process. Basketball players move very quickly and make very fast decisions. Without patience however, they do not spend the endless hours practicing, running drills, working out, losing games, etc, that get them to the top levels. It takes ALMOST A DECADE of school before you get to call yourself a doctor.

The very idea of continuing to work at something in spite of failure is a perfect example.

I am told, as I recall, that Thomas Edison failed to create a light bulb somewhere around 500 times before he didn't need a candle anymore. You have all used WD40. Ever wonder what it stands for? Water Displacement, 40th try. Patience.

In this day and age, most of us have the good fortune to be able to expect to live a good, healthy, and most importantly, long life. As you look at the things that you are doing, remember to take your time, know that you don't have to get it done right this minute, and most importantly, exercise patience.

In the words of Hootie ( sorry Mr. Rucker, you'll always be Hootie to me.... ) "It wont be like this for long...."

Definition of the Sabbath

It has been some time since I have considered the keeping of the sabbath.

I suppose the most common definition of such is the 19th century, dont work, praise god, etc idea of it. I dont think that the idea works out so well in practice in the modern age.

Tonight I tried to come up with a better definition of what a sunday is for. It turns out that the definition is more of a list to me... I believe that the original idea of the sabbath was to focus on those things that are ultimately most important to you. In the early times, when food itself was hard to come by, I suppose that the definition of the sabbath that so easily springs to mind came out of necessity. It wasnt so much showing respect for god as it was hoping and trusting that if this ritual was followed, God himself would provide food and shelter for another week. Rightly so I think.

But in this day and age, although I do believe that my family and I are provided for to a great amount by the gifts we have been endowed with; I dont really think that the original idea of the sabbath is really quite as crucial.

As Ive stated, I think the real idea behind the sabbath, the seventh day if you will, is rest. Relaxation. Some time to be who you really are. Etc.

SO I compiled a list of my favorite things to do on a Sunday. I think that they really do reflect the sabbath ideology for me. I'll examine the commonalities of them after the list. I really do find it quite striking.

1. Take my kids and my friends out in the boat fishing.

2. Grill out with friends and neighbors.

3. Clean up the yard with my boys, be it snow or grass.

4. Watch the packers, live or on tv.

5. Visit my parents or my in-laws.

6. Play with my kids and thier friends.

7. Play with my own friends.

8. Eat too much.

9. Read.

Oddly enough, there are a lot of things intertwined into this list that I think really do reflect the idea of keeping the seventh day. The bible basically gives us the gist of it in genesis. "on the seventh day he rested"

It does not say that on the seventh day he dressed up in his best clothes, went to church at the crack of dawn, and fell on his knees. It says he rested.

Although I do believe that our Lord deserves to be worshipped and honored as often as possible, I also believe that the bible pretty clearly states that the seventh day is to be one of rest.

I think that my list illustrates exactly that sort of rest. I also find every item on it to be in some manner worshipful. Most of the things on it take place outdoors, with other people whom I care about. My list does not include going to the bar or partying with my buddies. Taking a kid fishing, for example, is to me the ultimate thing to do on a sunday. I am spending time with those most important to me, in a way that, I think, glorifies God. I am taking that young life out of the technologically bombarded world that we all live in, and placing him in direct communion with that which has been provided for him. When my son and I are in the boat, I am by and large, the only outside influence in his environment besides the occasional bluegill.

The same goes, in one fashion or another, for the rest of my list.

And so, I ask you to consider the sabbath. I wonder if you will find that your sundays are filled with the things that reflect a day of rest and enjoyment of what god has provided for you. Are you spending that day off with those people who matter most, who you can enjoy, who help you to relax, or are you spending it wrapped up in the world?

I believe that the original idea behind the seventh day was to regroup, to be appreciative of what has been done, and to be thankful for it. For some, that means a church service, for others it means some " quality time" with whomever it is that is most important to you on this planet.

In short, Glorifying God can sometimes be as simple as enjoying what he has given you.

In Jesus Name...
Greg