Two or so years ago my wife and I made a decision. Up until that time, we had been living the dream. Whatever we wanted. Whenever we wanted it. And it did not matter what it cost.
The decision that we made back then was to be debt-free by 40. It gave us 7 years to get there.
When you owe as much as we did, and still do, that is one hell of a challenge. At the time, we owed on two cars. A boat. Our house (twice). Student loans. on and on and on. We were making plenty of payments.
So we decided to spend the next 7 years incurring no new un-needed debt. We also decided to eliminate as much of what we owed as quickly as we could. Not one of these things was easy to do. I really liked my boat. We had to either find a way to make extra payments and pay it off, or to sell the thing. I dont have that boat anymore. Same with my truck. Never in my life had I driven something with more than a couple miles on it. Suddenly I owned something with over 200,000 on it. We used our tax return to pay off my student loans. We stopped buying anything that didnt resemble groceries.
What I didnt realize was that everybody we knew was about to be doing the same thing.
In the last two years, the economy of this country has take a big hit. While I dont really know very many people who have lost jobs during this, I do know an awful lot who are worse off than they were when we made our changes.
And it makes me feel very fortunate to have made the decision that we made at the time that we did. Granted, we still have 5 years left in this endeavor, but we are seemingly way ahead of the curve right now. I have seen so many of my friends make similar decisions since then. And we have the proverbial jump on them.
That is not the wild part. What is funny about my current thought process is that our parents never had to make this decision. Part of what caused the whole thing is that we were able to borrow money that we could never afford to pay back. When my parents were young, there was no such thing as 12 months no interest or payments. You could not buy a car that you couldnt afford; especially at 3% interest. It just wasnt going to happen.
What is crazy to me is the amount that we as a people have come to rely on debt. We have forgotten how to save, and worse, most of us havent forgotten, we have never learned in the first place, We live paycheck to paycheck, and if something happens that costs more than our payments will allow us to give cash for, we use plastic to cover it (ie more debt)
This is a slippery slope. Because it is just way to easy to slide down. And it is fun by the way. I defer again to a country song, there is a line about "i learned credit cards dont mean you're rich" True Dat.
SO it has been a tough two years. I was fortunate recently to work my way into a new position which should make it a lot less tough.
And then, in the last few weeks, the reality of the real world set in. Turns out I'm still really glad for the decisions that we have made as a couple in the last two years. Because the extra pay that I am able to earn could very well be negated by some of the things that will likely happen to Babe's paycheck. And the price of fuel, and soooo many other things that this country is about to have to go without. I never thought that I would even think about examining the health insurance available through my employer. Her insurance basically made the idea laughable. But Today, Today I asked for the information.
When I was in school, when I was young, I grew up watching the Cleavers. Full House. The Brady Bunch. The images presented were of what I used to believe is the American Dream. Upper middle class families who wanted for nothing. Work hours were short. Family time was high quality and high quantity. And damn if I didnt grow up thinking that this was how life should be.
And Then. This show came out called "That 70's show" And the dad gets layed off. And loses his job. And there is some struggle. And countless other shows come along with the same theme. Two of the biggest mfr's in my town shut down and leave hundreds, almost thousands of people out of work. And you hear so much of it that you dont even notice anymore.
Now we are afraid for Babe's job. A schoolteacher. How can a schoolteacher have to worry about work? Its un-american right? But we are worried. We have, for the first time in our lives, a lot of apprehension about the next few years of her career.
Why is this happening? It is all about the almighty dollar. For forty or so years, our country has had this huge group of people called the baby boomers to rely on. They are a really large number of people. And they pay taxes. Unfortunately, they are starting to retire as quickly as they started paying taxes. And, unfortunately, they didnt have enough kids to replace themselves. So our tax dollars in total are declining. Which leads to lots of really really bad things.
But I will leave you tonight with a dash of hope. There were roughly 79 million baby-boomers. and although they didnt replace themselves right away, meaning with generation "X" they did do so later in life, and then the early gen x's, in turn had the early generation "Y" And at last count, there were 80 million of those Y's. That fact, in turn, means that over time our tax base will get back where it has been. And in the meantime, maybe we can balance a budget or two. It isnt going to be fun, because we will not be able to support the sorts of programs and fun stuff that we have all gotten used to, like my wife's current benefits package, but we might even learn how to save some of our money. The problem with the 80 million strong generation Y is that they do not subscribe to the line of reasoning that we have all gotten used to. They question everything, which is going to produce either a lot of bums, or a lot of hyper successful people. I'm hoping for the latter.
I hate to say it, but over time I think this will lead to a very healthy tax base. And frankly, that is what this country needs right now. So where are we headed? have faith. It might suck for a while, but sooner or later, things will be good again. If we can just get those 20-somethings off their skateboards.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Surprises
The Green Bay Packers are going to the Superbowl. Next week Sunday, the team will compete against the Pittsburgh Steelers in the annual mother of all football games.
I'm not telling you anything new here. we all know this unless we have been living under a rock.
But. If i would have tried to convince you six weeks ago that this might happen, you would likely have looked at the statistics and told me I needed another beer, which would have been likely anyway.
Here is the thing about life. You can plan. You can work to a goal. You can try to control your world. But any time you think you can predict the future, you find out that you must have left your crystal ball at home today.
I am not saying that careful planning and what not is a bad idea. Just be sure to not think that you have any idea what is really going to happen. Because life has a way of working itself out.
Personally, I know what it is that I believe is responsible. But the long and short of it is that in the end, things seem to work out one way or another.
There is a question that people ask regarding life. When something bad happens, everybody blames God. Or uses it as proof that He doesn't exist. You know exactly the comment I am talking about. Somehow, it seems as though some bad situation is automatically proof that most of what I personally believe in doesn't exist.
The other thing that people do is not ask or assign credit when something good happens. Outside of a truly rigid christian society, when does God actually get the glory?
It is so easy for us to say there is no God because what God would allow this to happen. Why isn't it just as easy for us to say God must exist because this happens?
Two reasons.
One. Because we are all kindergartners. We EXPECT that our lives will go very well, that we will get all the toys we want, that our food will be the things we like to eat, and that we will never have a sad day. Like a 5 year old, these are the things that we want and expect from our God, if he exists. If we don't get those things all of the time, then either God is hateful or he doesn't exist at all.
Two. Because we want to believe that somehow God will intervene in our day to day lives. Let me tell you something. God knows. He knows what is going to happen in your life each and every second of each and every day. He doesn't have to intervene because nothing is going to surprise him. He knows.
So why do bad things happen?
I recently had the opportunity to watch a video by a guy that I'm not sure I truly agree with that does describe this very well.
God is our heavenly father right? Then those of you who are parents will definitely understand this, and those of you who aren't probably will too.
In the lives of my children I have gotten to experience both types of situations with them, the good, and the bad. As an example, because my children like to ride their atv's, they tend once in a while to crash. There was an example of this once at our usual riding haunt about 15 months ago. Turtle crashed. and crashed hard. looking back, I can say that the most important part of that crash was the amount that our relationship grew immediately after, and during the ensuing conversations about it. I got to hold my child during a rough time, when he was scared, and angry, and frankly blaming me for not watching him closer. (notice a similar thread here?) And then when we talked about it later, I asked what he did during the crash, how did he not get injured? You know what his answer was? "i did like you told me dad, i held on until i couldn't anymore, the four wheeler just went the other way then" (so if you follow your "fathers" advice it will work out at the end?)
I would not give up that bad thing for one instant. I got to comfort my child. I got to bond with my child, and my child recovered from his pain and his fear. Yes. God knew that he was going to crash. Yes, God knows that awful things are going to happen in all of our lives. And Yes, he could intervene at any time. I believe that he allows it to happen for a reason. I believe that God feels like daddy on those days to his children. And I believe that; like turtle's long forgotten crash; the worst hurt of this world will be a pimple compared to the joy that he has in store for eternity.
You get where I'm coming from?
Everything that I believe about Christianity has come from a book. I have never heard the voice of our lord. I have heard the message, from the book, rolling off the lips of many other people who are basically just like me. Either I am right to believe the things that I do; or it is one hell of a good book. But I promise you this much. If you at least take the teachings, for what they are worth, you will find peace in the good and the bad in your life. You will find some solace. And hopefully you will be able to recognize the fact that you might not be able to understand. And that's ok.
I'm not telling you anything new here. we all know this unless we have been living under a rock.
But. If i would have tried to convince you six weeks ago that this might happen, you would likely have looked at the statistics and told me I needed another beer, which would have been likely anyway.
Here is the thing about life. You can plan. You can work to a goal. You can try to control your world. But any time you think you can predict the future, you find out that you must have left your crystal ball at home today.
I am not saying that careful planning and what not is a bad idea. Just be sure to not think that you have any idea what is really going to happen. Because life has a way of working itself out.
Personally, I know what it is that I believe is responsible. But the long and short of it is that in the end, things seem to work out one way or another.
There is a question that people ask regarding life. When something bad happens, everybody blames God. Or uses it as proof that He doesn't exist. You know exactly the comment I am talking about. Somehow, it seems as though some bad situation is automatically proof that most of what I personally believe in doesn't exist.
The other thing that people do is not ask or assign credit when something good happens. Outside of a truly rigid christian society, when does God actually get the glory?
It is so easy for us to say there is no God because what God would allow this to happen. Why isn't it just as easy for us to say God must exist because this happens?
Two reasons.
One. Because we are all kindergartners. We EXPECT that our lives will go very well, that we will get all the toys we want, that our food will be the things we like to eat, and that we will never have a sad day. Like a 5 year old, these are the things that we want and expect from our God, if he exists. If we don't get those things all of the time, then either God is hateful or he doesn't exist at all.
Two. Because we want to believe that somehow God will intervene in our day to day lives. Let me tell you something. God knows. He knows what is going to happen in your life each and every second of each and every day. He doesn't have to intervene because nothing is going to surprise him. He knows.
So why do bad things happen?
I recently had the opportunity to watch a video by a guy that I'm not sure I truly agree with that does describe this very well.
God is our heavenly father right? Then those of you who are parents will definitely understand this, and those of you who aren't probably will too.
In the lives of my children I have gotten to experience both types of situations with them, the good, and the bad. As an example, because my children like to ride their atv's, they tend once in a while to crash. There was an example of this once at our usual riding haunt about 15 months ago. Turtle crashed. and crashed hard. looking back, I can say that the most important part of that crash was the amount that our relationship grew immediately after, and during the ensuing conversations about it. I got to hold my child during a rough time, when he was scared, and angry, and frankly blaming me for not watching him closer. (notice a similar thread here?) And then when we talked about it later, I asked what he did during the crash, how did he not get injured? You know what his answer was? "i did like you told me dad, i held on until i couldn't anymore, the four wheeler just went the other way then" (so if you follow your "fathers" advice it will work out at the end?)
I would not give up that bad thing for one instant. I got to comfort my child. I got to bond with my child, and my child recovered from his pain and his fear. Yes. God knew that he was going to crash. Yes, God knows that awful things are going to happen in all of our lives. And Yes, he could intervene at any time. I believe that he allows it to happen for a reason. I believe that God feels like daddy on those days to his children. And I believe that; like turtle's long forgotten crash; the worst hurt of this world will be a pimple compared to the joy that he has in store for eternity.
You get where I'm coming from?
Everything that I believe about Christianity has come from a book. I have never heard the voice of our lord. I have heard the message, from the book, rolling off the lips of many other people who are basically just like me. Either I am right to believe the things that I do; or it is one hell of a good book. But I promise you this much. If you at least take the teachings, for what they are worth, you will find peace in the good and the bad in your life. You will find some solace. And hopefully you will be able to recognize the fact that you might not be able to understand. And that's ok.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Ambition
As most of you know by now, I have taken a new job. As a person who has a history of working at jobs for a long time, you can imagine the amount of interest this new position must have had for me in order for me to make the change.
The job that I am taking on is not particularly different than the one that I had before. The level of seriousness that I am taking with it is very different. I did not take this on to fail.
And that is the problem.
Because of the excitement that I feel about the possibilities for this new spot; I find myself having to constantly reign in my ambition and excitement. It seems as though I find myself trying to do too much too fast. I can see all of the problems clearly. I can see the potential for improvement very clearly. And of course I arrogantly think that I can fix all of it.
What I fail to sometimes remember is that the group of people that I work with have been together for a long time. The things that I would like to see done differently have been done this way for a long time. I have only been involved for a couple weeks.
I know that I dont have enough background knowledge about where I am, who I work with, and the process that made the place the way it is to make an educated guess about what really should be different.
BUT I feel as though there are things that I would like to see different.
Thus the paradox.
It seems as though everybody in my personal life is telling me to wait. Dont do that yet. Hold your horses. Slow down.
And my new boss is telling me to go for it. Make it better. You can do it. That is your call to make.
Oddly, I have a better relationship with my new boss than I ever had with the old one. Yesterday he asked how I liked the job, and then suggested that we hold a noon-time cookout in honor of me joining the team. This is going great.
But it could go sooooo much better. There is so much opportunity for this place. There are so many things that are good, but could be great. And you all know how much I hate to wait.
This has been a huge ego boost. I have gone from feeling very meaningless to feeling very powerful. I have gone from having limited access to things to determining who has access to what things. And all of this has perhaps made me feel rather important. Which I can now see that I am not very important at all.
So, tonight, I wrote myself a note. Its a little post-it, and it will hang on my monitor starting tomorrow morning. it says
"not yet. wait a little longer. be patient. be sure you understand first. Listen the team you are just a small part of."
So I will bide my time. I will continue to act as a resource to these people. A helper. I wont try to be in charge, rather, I will ask questions, I will ask advice. I will ask how it has been done before. and I will remember that compared to these people; I dont know anything about anything. Maybe that noon-time cookout should be in honor of how long the others have been on the team.
And maybe, just maybe, I can make a dent in the place.
The job that I am taking on is not particularly different than the one that I had before. The level of seriousness that I am taking with it is very different. I did not take this on to fail.
And that is the problem.
Because of the excitement that I feel about the possibilities for this new spot; I find myself having to constantly reign in my ambition and excitement. It seems as though I find myself trying to do too much too fast. I can see all of the problems clearly. I can see the potential for improvement very clearly. And of course I arrogantly think that I can fix all of it.
What I fail to sometimes remember is that the group of people that I work with have been together for a long time. The things that I would like to see done differently have been done this way for a long time. I have only been involved for a couple weeks.
I know that I dont have enough background knowledge about where I am, who I work with, and the process that made the place the way it is to make an educated guess about what really should be different.
BUT I feel as though there are things that I would like to see different.
Thus the paradox.
It seems as though everybody in my personal life is telling me to wait. Dont do that yet. Hold your horses. Slow down.
And my new boss is telling me to go for it. Make it better. You can do it. That is your call to make.
Oddly, I have a better relationship with my new boss than I ever had with the old one. Yesterday he asked how I liked the job, and then suggested that we hold a noon-time cookout in honor of me joining the team. This is going great.
But it could go sooooo much better. There is so much opportunity for this place. There are so many things that are good, but could be great. And you all know how much I hate to wait.
This has been a huge ego boost. I have gone from feeling very meaningless to feeling very powerful. I have gone from having limited access to things to determining who has access to what things. And all of this has perhaps made me feel rather important. Which I can now see that I am not very important at all.
So, tonight, I wrote myself a note. Its a little post-it, and it will hang on my monitor starting tomorrow morning. it says
"not yet. wait a little longer. be patient. be sure you understand first. Listen the team you are just a small part of."
So I will bide my time. I will continue to act as a resource to these people. A helper. I wont try to be in charge, rather, I will ask questions, I will ask advice. I will ask how it has been done before. and I will remember that compared to these people; I dont know anything about anything. Maybe that noon-time cookout should be in honor of how long the others have been on the team.
And maybe, just maybe, I can make a dent in the place.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
All Great Things
And so it ends.
All Great things must.
I am thinking tonight about three endings.
The easy one is what i just saw on the tv. Brett Favre has said that this is it. 20 years. No more guessing, no more wondering, he is done playing professional football.
I can honestly say that I remember the first time i saw him play. we probably all can. and without going into all of the feelings the man has generated for us over the years, I can say that Brett has been a part of our lives. His play, his personality, have created excitement for fans every year. every game, every play. For 20 years. That just doesnt happen. and it is what makes him great.
I know it sounds cliche, but all great things must come to an end. coming to that end is what makes those same things great.
You will never remember something with the same fondness if it just keeps going.
My father in law had to have his dog put down this week. I want to say that there are good dogs. and then there are great dogs. Cody was truly a great dog. His body was not right since he was puppy. he always had a bad limp from an injury as a puppy. That said, consider what makes a great dog. This guy fit every description. He was amazing with kids. none of them were ever ever scared of him. and they knew he was cool. Ever heard the phrase "that dog wont hunt?" not about cody. he loved to do it and was by all accounts about as good as it gets for hunting dogs. I never heard Rocky yell at the dog. Cody could be clear across the yard, and all the man would have to do is say quietly, "ok boy, cmon, inside now" and this dog would just respond. even lately, after the dog couldnt hear anymore, all Rocky had to do was wave and the dog would come running.
I remember one time. We ended up house-sitting for my in-laws for the night, and i was instructed to take care of him. Having no idea what the routine was, I put him on the leash and we went outside. Following him through his routine, Cody never even tried to give me a hard time. He went about his routine, and back to the house. I am not his dad, but he didnt try to run, or give me any trouble. he just went with it.
SO tonight i would like to say Rest In Peace boy. All great things must come to an end. There will never be another dog like Cody.
I find myself tonight on the eve of my last day at a job. I have taken a new post, at a new company. After 8 years of walking to work, I will have a commute. After 8 years of being THE expert with this company, I will once again become the newbie. After 8 years of loving my job, I am hoping that I will love this one.
But again, All Great Things.
And here is the thing about change. It helps a person grow. I hope that as i embark on this, I am able to find some solace in the idea of becoming more of all of those ideals that I continually spout in these essays.
I hope that this job will allow me to better provide for my family.
I hope that this new spot will help me to better understand myself.
I hope that in some way i can improve the working lives of my new employees and team members.
And I hope, that sooner or later, this will become one of those Great Things in my life.
Dreaming of new Great Things....
Greg
All Great things must.
I am thinking tonight about three endings.
The easy one is what i just saw on the tv. Brett Favre has said that this is it. 20 years. No more guessing, no more wondering, he is done playing professional football.
I can honestly say that I remember the first time i saw him play. we probably all can. and without going into all of the feelings the man has generated for us over the years, I can say that Brett has been a part of our lives. His play, his personality, have created excitement for fans every year. every game, every play. For 20 years. That just doesnt happen. and it is what makes him great.
I know it sounds cliche, but all great things must come to an end. coming to that end is what makes those same things great.
You will never remember something with the same fondness if it just keeps going.
My father in law had to have his dog put down this week. I want to say that there are good dogs. and then there are great dogs. Cody was truly a great dog. His body was not right since he was puppy. he always had a bad limp from an injury as a puppy. That said, consider what makes a great dog. This guy fit every description. He was amazing with kids. none of them were ever ever scared of him. and they knew he was cool. Ever heard the phrase "that dog wont hunt?" not about cody. he loved to do it and was by all accounts about as good as it gets for hunting dogs. I never heard Rocky yell at the dog. Cody could be clear across the yard, and all the man would have to do is say quietly, "ok boy, cmon, inside now" and this dog would just respond. even lately, after the dog couldnt hear anymore, all Rocky had to do was wave and the dog would come running.
I remember one time. We ended up house-sitting for my in-laws for the night, and i was instructed to take care of him. Having no idea what the routine was, I put him on the leash and we went outside. Following him through his routine, Cody never even tried to give me a hard time. He went about his routine, and back to the house. I am not his dad, but he didnt try to run, or give me any trouble. he just went with it.
SO tonight i would like to say Rest In Peace boy. All great things must come to an end. There will never be another dog like Cody.
I find myself tonight on the eve of my last day at a job. I have taken a new post, at a new company. After 8 years of walking to work, I will have a commute. After 8 years of being THE expert with this company, I will once again become the newbie. After 8 years of loving my job, I am hoping that I will love this one.
But again, All Great Things.
And here is the thing about change. It helps a person grow. I hope that as i embark on this, I am able to find some solace in the idea of becoming more of all of those ideals that I continually spout in these essays.
I hope that this job will allow me to better provide for my family.
I hope that this new spot will help me to better understand myself.
I hope that in some way i can improve the working lives of my new employees and team members.
And I hope, that sooner or later, this will become one of those Great Things in my life.
Dreaming of new Great Things....
Greg
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Ego
As has been my standard lately, I'll start with a definition.....
(ē'gō, ĕg'ō) pronunciation
n., pl., e·gos.
1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
2. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.
Thank you answers.com
Nobody wants to be egotistical. No-one thinks that they are an ego-maniac. Nobody intentionally buys something to get an ego boost. But yet we have all heard these terms.
Ego has a bad connotation. I have said many times, and repeated many times, my theory about being the least important person in the room, and what that will do for your relationships. And it works. Because we are allllllllll egotistical. When you behave in such a manner as to convey that you are more interested in the well-being of others than yourself, it also leaves the impression that you are interested in others. Which of course, you are.
Except. But. However. Nobody, and i mean nobody, can ever truly be more interested in others than themselves. I dont care who you are. I dont care how gracious, caring, loving, giving, etc. that you are, you are egotistical. You DO Care more about yourself than anybody else. at some root level at least. You come first.
Sucks to think about doesnt it? you egomaniac prick. kidding.
But it is a fact. let me soften the blow.
My birthday always blows chunks. Every year. I get within a week of it, and I get depressed. Not because I am worried about aging. Not because I dont get enough presents. Not because I dont really like eating cake that much.
My birthday is depressing because I havent had one in a long time that fed my ego. There. I said it. I have not had a birthday lately that made me feel as though the people who knew it was my day legitimately gave a flying you know what one way or the other. Last year was almost awesome. And then i ended up working right through my birthday party, which my family and friends put together, and would have rocked. but it ended up blowing chunks.
This sounds reallllly childish. That brings me to the kindergarten theory. read back a few dozen posts if you dont remember that one. What kindergartner you know would not feel completely let down if they felt that their birthday didnt matter to anybody? This guy right here. And it is how I always feel. Even when my friends and family care; I end up working late and miss the whole thing. And it didnt get rescheduled.
I admit it. I have an ego. I want it to be boosted once in a while. we all do.
Birthdays aside, lets get into the idea of an ego boost.
Examples. at least for guys, and maybe for women too, dunno, never been a woman.
Feeling physically attractive to others.
Feeling as though others think you are intelligent.
Feeling as though others are jealous of you.
Feeling superior to others.
Feeling more successful than others.
Having a lot of friends.
Having cooler stuff than other people.
Being superior in a competition to other people.
Being needed or wanted by other people.
you get the idea. Your ego is boosted when you feel as though you are important for some reason. the level of importance you carry is determined to you by the general impression that you are given by other people. In essence, your ego is boosted by what other people say or think about that aspect of you.
crap. Most of the things that I have written here have given the impression that I was mentally above or beyond that. Most of these posts have expressed my desire to be more logical, more reasonable, above this basic line of reasoning. Remember, like I said so many times, it isnt about you.
BUT IT IS ABOUT YOU. Nobody can help having an ego. Your ego is what makes you feel good about all of the things that arent about you. If you can take the attitude that this situation isnt about you, and then turn it to a feeling of self worth based on the quality of relationships you are developing around you, then guess what. You just made it about you.
And you cant help it.
Ego is the root cause for most of the worlds problems, small and large scale.
Marriages break up because one partner does not feel as though their partner is as attracted to them physically or emotionally as some other alternative. I mean it. I know people who got divorced because one partner felt as though they werent "wanted" in one of those ways. If somebody shows up who does want them that way, its over. DOnt tell me you dont know somebody who worked his ass off, trying to provide for his family, and lost his wife to a loser who made her feel sexy. Or the guy who left his wife of 30 years , who struggled through running a business, because he found a cute young woman who made him feel as though she wanted him physically.
Wars are started because one government is made to feel left out of politics, or slighted in some way, and their beliefs or pride are not important to another nation.
I could go on all night.
but i wont.
New rule. In any relationship that you are involved in. Rather than making yourself the least important person in the room, try making yourself the person who understands what it is to communicate your feelings for the others in the group. everybody needs a ego boost once in a while. Make your friends feel valued for what you do for them. Make your partner feel sexy and desirable. Tell someone thank you for what they have done for you and mean it. Tell your kids that you are proud of them. And dont be afraid to expect the same in return. Its ok to want a pat on the back once in a while.
Maybe, just maybe, your birthday wont suck this year. Because you were made to feel as if your ego has been fed..
(ē'gō, ĕg'ō) pronunciation
n., pl., e·gos.
1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3.
1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
2. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.
Thank you answers.com
Nobody wants to be egotistical. No-one thinks that they are an ego-maniac. Nobody intentionally buys something to get an ego boost. But yet we have all heard these terms.
Ego has a bad connotation. I have said many times, and repeated many times, my theory about being the least important person in the room, and what that will do for your relationships. And it works. Because we are allllllllll egotistical. When you behave in such a manner as to convey that you are more interested in the well-being of others than yourself, it also leaves the impression that you are interested in others. Which of course, you are.
Except. But. However. Nobody, and i mean nobody, can ever truly be more interested in others than themselves. I dont care who you are. I dont care how gracious, caring, loving, giving, etc. that you are, you are egotistical. You DO Care more about yourself than anybody else. at some root level at least. You come first.
Sucks to think about doesnt it? you egomaniac prick. kidding.
But it is a fact. let me soften the blow.
My birthday always blows chunks. Every year. I get within a week of it, and I get depressed. Not because I am worried about aging. Not because I dont get enough presents. Not because I dont really like eating cake that much.
My birthday is depressing because I havent had one in a long time that fed my ego. There. I said it. I have not had a birthday lately that made me feel as though the people who knew it was my day legitimately gave a flying you know what one way or the other. Last year was almost awesome. And then i ended up working right through my birthday party, which my family and friends put together, and would have rocked. but it ended up blowing chunks.
This sounds reallllly childish. That brings me to the kindergarten theory. read back a few dozen posts if you dont remember that one. What kindergartner you know would not feel completely let down if they felt that their birthday didnt matter to anybody? This guy right here. And it is how I always feel. Even when my friends and family care; I end up working late and miss the whole thing. And it didnt get rescheduled.
I admit it. I have an ego. I want it to be boosted once in a while. we all do.
Birthdays aside, lets get into the idea of an ego boost.
Examples. at least for guys, and maybe for women too, dunno, never been a woman.
Feeling physically attractive to others.
Feeling as though others think you are intelligent.
Feeling as though others are jealous of you.
Feeling superior to others.
Feeling more successful than others.
Having a lot of friends.
Having cooler stuff than other people.
Being superior in a competition to other people.
Being needed or wanted by other people.
you get the idea. Your ego is boosted when you feel as though you are important for some reason. the level of importance you carry is determined to you by the general impression that you are given by other people. In essence, your ego is boosted by what other people say or think about that aspect of you.
crap. Most of the things that I have written here have given the impression that I was mentally above or beyond that. Most of these posts have expressed my desire to be more logical, more reasonable, above this basic line of reasoning. Remember, like I said so many times, it isnt about you.
BUT IT IS ABOUT YOU. Nobody can help having an ego. Your ego is what makes you feel good about all of the things that arent about you. If you can take the attitude that this situation isnt about you, and then turn it to a feeling of self worth based on the quality of relationships you are developing around you, then guess what. You just made it about you.
And you cant help it.
Ego is the root cause for most of the worlds problems, small and large scale.
Marriages break up because one partner does not feel as though their partner is as attracted to them physically or emotionally as some other alternative. I mean it. I know people who got divorced because one partner felt as though they werent "wanted" in one of those ways. If somebody shows up who does want them that way, its over. DOnt tell me you dont know somebody who worked his ass off, trying to provide for his family, and lost his wife to a loser who made her feel sexy. Or the guy who left his wife of 30 years , who struggled through running a business, because he found a cute young woman who made him feel as though she wanted him physically.
Wars are started because one government is made to feel left out of politics, or slighted in some way, and their beliefs or pride are not important to another nation.
I could go on all night.
but i wont.
New rule. In any relationship that you are involved in. Rather than making yourself the least important person in the room, try making yourself the person who understands what it is to communicate your feelings for the others in the group. everybody needs a ego boost once in a while. Make your friends feel valued for what you do for them. Make your partner feel sexy and desirable. Tell someone thank you for what they have done for you and mean it. Tell your kids that you are proud of them. And dont be afraid to expect the same in return. Its ok to want a pat on the back once in a while.
Maybe, just maybe, your birthday wont suck this year. Because you were made to feel as if your ego has been fed..
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Enthusiasm
en·thu·si·asm (n-thz-zm)
n.
1. Great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause.
2. A source or cause of great excitement or interest.
From websters....
Ive bypassed some of the definition, because tonight we dont for once need to talk about god.
Dont you find that those things that you do with enthusiasm are the same things that you do better? I do.
Speaking of I do, I recently had the opportunity to stand up in a wedding for a very dear friend of mine. He was very enthusiastic about the ceremony, and to prove my point, it was one of the more enjoyable events I have been party to.
And thats the point. When you are interested, engaged, ie enthusiastic, about what it is that is going on around you, it is likely that you will have a much better result. You will be more focused on that which is happening around you. You will be less stressed about the outcomes.
I went north a few times in the last months with some friends to ride atv's on the trails. I was enthusiastic about it, wound tight would be a better term, and thanks to the iowan, I had a machine at my disposal to use. We had an unbelievably good time.
Work can be the same way.
While some people go to work each day with a feeling of excitement, anticipation, and enthusiasm about the events to come, others go to work with the same feeling of excitement, anticipation, but replace enthusiasm with dread.
There are many factors that contribute to this. Boredom. Dismay at the thought of the interactions that might come to pass, the list goes on and on. Sometimes people hate their jobs.
I have always tried to lighten this mood with the statement that if it was always fun, they wouldnt have to pay us to show up. Keep in mind, you are being paid for your time, not neccesarily your enthusiasm. If you use your time wisely, regardless of whether you are excited about it, you will continue to be paid for your time hopefully.
But yet, so many of us are not satisfied with our jobs. For many of us, it is a feeling of being undervalued. Others feel underpaid. Some of us dont like our co-workers. Yet, it is like i always say, there is bullshit in any job, some jobs just have less than others.
So we go on. We may look lazily for another position, but we generally dont quit working untill we find a new spot. Reason being, we cant afford to quit, we have mortgages, etc.
I have some friends who are enthusiastic about the work that they do. They are among the most successful people that I know. I congratulate them on finding a job that allows them to have that attitude.
For the majority of us, I will just say this, Get back to work, your kids need to eat.
n.
1. Great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause.
2. A source or cause of great excitement or interest.
From websters....
Ive bypassed some of the definition, because tonight we dont for once need to talk about god.
Dont you find that those things that you do with enthusiasm are the same things that you do better? I do.
Speaking of I do, I recently had the opportunity to stand up in a wedding for a very dear friend of mine. He was very enthusiastic about the ceremony, and to prove my point, it was one of the more enjoyable events I have been party to.
And thats the point. When you are interested, engaged, ie enthusiastic, about what it is that is going on around you, it is likely that you will have a much better result. You will be more focused on that which is happening around you. You will be less stressed about the outcomes.
I went north a few times in the last months with some friends to ride atv's on the trails. I was enthusiastic about it, wound tight would be a better term, and thanks to the iowan, I had a machine at my disposal to use. We had an unbelievably good time.
Work can be the same way.
While some people go to work each day with a feeling of excitement, anticipation, and enthusiasm about the events to come, others go to work with the same feeling of excitement, anticipation, but replace enthusiasm with dread.
There are many factors that contribute to this. Boredom. Dismay at the thought of the interactions that might come to pass, the list goes on and on. Sometimes people hate their jobs.
I have always tried to lighten this mood with the statement that if it was always fun, they wouldnt have to pay us to show up. Keep in mind, you are being paid for your time, not neccesarily your enthusiasm. If you use your time wisely, regardless of whether you are excited about it, you will continue to be paid for your time hopefully.
But yet, so many of us are not satisfied with our jobs. For many of us, it is a feeling of being undervalued. Others feel underpaid. Some of us dont like our co-workers. Yet, it is like i always say, there is bullshit in any job, some jobs just have less than others.
So we go on. We may look lazily for another position, but we generally dont quit working untill we find a new spot. Reason being, we cant afford to quit, we have mortgages, etc.
I have some friends who are enthusiastic about the work that they do. They are among the most successful people that I know. I congratulate them on finding a job that allows them to have that attitude.
For the majority of us, I will just say this, Get back to work, your kids need to eat.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
binding together
It has been quite a while since I've written.
I am not likely tonight to have anything creative to say. I probably wont even have any vast insights. In short; this wont be any sort of a "deep thoughts" type of post.
On September 11Th, 2001. 2996 people lost their lives. Of those people, 1616 death certificates were issued without so much as a bone fragment to identify the dead.
Although it has been 9 years, I remember the day as if it was much more recent. I am certain that this rings true for all of you as well. The interesting thing about reflecting on the day is that exact fact. We all experienced more or less the same thing. The same feelings. The same emotions. To anybody who lost a loved one, or was near the scene that day, of course i realize the vast difference between us. I'm talking about the rest of us.
Tonight, watching the slew of documentaries about the events, I was struck by that similarity. I was struck particularly by the change in attitudes through the course of the day. I watched people go through shock, fear, and finally anger. And i remember going through the same gamut of emotions myself.
Remember when you first heard about it? Nobody knew exactly what had happened. Was it an accident? was it terrorism? how many people worked there? How did this happen? What is going to happen now?
We saw people jumping.
And then the second plane. Oh my god. this is real. this is not an accident. We started hearing something about other planes. about the pentagon. We heard rumors about threats of continuing attacks every 30 minutes. In our area, the focus turned to us as likely targets due to our proximity to nuclear power plants.
We were glued to the TV. The radio. The telephone. Whatever source of information that we had.
The first tower fell. Disbelief. "It just disappeared" "is it really gone?" Who did this? Look at those people running away from the cloud. Remember how you felt?
You know the rest of the story. You Lived It.
But here is the great thing about this country. We love our fellow citizens. We care that this happened. And that started to show right away. People got mad. You started to see the fight in the dog.
So its been 9 years. Think about the way that we have changed. As a country. As a people. As a world. Have you noticed the changes in even some of the basic day to day things in your life? We have invented new words. We have noticed faults in this fairly young country of ours. When, ever, before this, did any of us think about the aging infrastructure of our country? When did we ever think about airport security as anything other than a nuisance?
When did we ever notice how strong our biases are? I believe that we all have a much stronger feeling of what our country is to us than we have had as a country since we became one. I don't believe that there has been a time, wartime excluded, that we as a people have bound ourselves together as we have since this. That said, I do believe that this event has been the one of the least significance, and has had the most importance, if that is possible, of any of these events.
Think of the death toll of any war that we have been in. WW1. WW2. Korea, Vietnam. You know the list. This one day. This one series of attacks. 9/11/1 made a bigger dent in my opinion than any of them. Tied us together as Americans more strongly. Made us more United. 2996 people.
Why? Because it happened HERE. We had never been attacked on any grand scale on our own soil before. Most of our country had never been combat veterans. Because we had never been, we had absolutely no understanding what its like in a war zone. Every major war has happened somewhere else. Somewhere far away. In other words, NOT HERE.
There is not likely to be a Combat Veteran who will give you many details about being "there." Wherever "there" is. They don't talk about it. It is suddenly, in the light of what we all saw that day, not very hard to understand why. When you have been in a war zone, and you have seen what those heroes have seen, there is not much to say. And the ties that bind those guys together speak for themselves.
I spoke this week to a gentleman named "Bob." He was headed out for a winter trip immediately after we got done with his vehicle. The man told me that he needed to be in some part of California by the end of next week. When I asked why, he told me that he had some friends out there, six of them, they were getting together for his 81st birthday. He hadn't seen some of them in ten years.
I can tell you that if I haven't seen somebody in 10 years, I am not likely to drive a few thousand miles, especially at 80 years old to do so. Except. They had been in the war together. How many time have you heard the phrase "you put your life in this guy's hands" from a veteran? While Hollywood has maybe been guilty of using the phrase to the point of vanity, to a veteran it really means something.
And what you find out as you look around is that it is not just veterans. There is a country song out right now that expresses the same sentiment about high school football. You will not find a Police Officer or a Firefighter who doesn't know what it feels like.
But the rest of us. The rest of us never knew. Because of these guys we lived at that time in a world that was safe. Was indestructible. Was impermeable. We were Americans, we were a superpower. Remember Operation Desert Storm? Remember the way we puffed our chests out at the sight of our troops running bulldozers and tanks across the desert? The power we all felt at our almost uncontested Dominance of the world? We were untouchable. We knew we were. Think of your own lifestyle in the late 80's and early 90's. Remember No Fear clothes? Exactly my point.
Have you really felt that way since this happened? This is the impact that I believe this event has had on our nation. We are the biggest, most wealthy, most powerful, most benevolent, and most diplomatic country on the planet.
But if you never understood what it was to be part of this nation, remember this. Remember that we lost a few average airplanes, and 2996 people from this planet, and you feel the way that you feel every time that you think about it. Remember how small those numbers really are. Remember the enormous impact that they have had. Because that is the way that we declare victory over these hateful people. By remembering.
I don't know about you, but i am thankful every day for those who protect us. I am thankful for our troops. for our civil servants. All of them. I Am Thankful for those men and women who have traveled to other places and seen war firsthand for me. and for you.
And mostly, I am thankful for the spirit of this country. For the culture of this people. And for our gifts of integrity, courage, and strength.
May we never forget how important this day has been, and how much it has strengthened us.
I am not likely tonight to have anything creative to say. I probably wont even have any vast insights. In short; this wont be any sort of a "deep thoughts" type of post.
On September 11Th, 2001. 2996 people lost their lives. Of those people, 1616 death certificates were issued without so much as a bone fragment to identify the dead.
Although it has been 9 years, I remember the day as if it was much more recent. I am certain that this rings true for all of you as well. The interesting thing about reflecting on the day is that exact fact. We all experienced more or less the same thing. The same feelings. The same emotions. To anybody who lost a loved one, or was near the scene that day, of course i realize the vast difference between us. I'm talking about the rest of us.
Tonight, watching the slew of documentaries about the events, I was struck by that similarity. I was struck particularly by the change in attitudes through the course of the day. I watched people go through shock, fear, and finally anger. And i remember going through the same gamut of emotions myself.
Remember when you first heard about it? Nobody knew exactly what had happened. Was it an accident? was it terrorism? how many people worked there? How did this happen? What is going to happen now?
We saw people jumping.
And then the second plane. Oh my god. this is real. this is not an accident. We started hearing something about other planes. about the pentagon. We heard rumors about threats of continuing attacks every 30 minutes. In our area, the focus turned to us as likely targets due to our proximity to nuclear power plants.
We were glued to the TV. The radio. The telephone. Whatever source of information that we had.
The first tower fell. Disbelief. "It just disappeared" "is it really gone?" Who did this? Look at those people running away from the cloud. Remember how you felt?
You know the rest of the story. You Lived It.
But here is the great thing about this country. We love our fellow citizens. We care that this happened. And that started to show right away. People got mad. You started to see the fight in the dog.
So its been 9 years. Think about the way that we have changed. As a country. As a people. As a world. Have you noticed the changes in even some of the basic day to day things in your life? We have invented new words. We have noticed faults in this fairly young country of ours. When, ever, before this, did any of us think about the aging infrastructure of our country? When did we ever think about airport security as anything other than a nuisance?
When did we ever notice how strong our biases are? I believe that we all have a much stronger feeling of what our country is to us than we have had as a country since we became one. I don't believe that there has been a time, wartime excluded, that we as a people have bound ourselves together as we have since this. That said, I do believe that this event has been the one of the least significance, and has had the most importance, if that is possible, of any of these events.
Think of the death toll of any war that we have been in. WW1. WW2. Korea, Vietnam. You know the list. This one day. This one series of attacks. 9/11/1 made a bigger dent in my opinion than any of them. Tied us together as Americans more strongly. Made us more United. 2996 people.
Why? Because it happened HERE. We had never been attacked on any grand scale on our own soil before. Most of our country had never been combat veterans. Because we had never been, we had absolutely no understanding what its like in a war zone. Every major war has happened somewhere else. Somewhere far away. In other words, NOT HERE.
There is not likely to be a Combat Veteran who will give you many details about being "there." Wherever "there" is. They don't talk about it. It is suddenly, in the light of what we all saw that day, not very hard to understand why. When you have been in a war zone, and you have seen what those heroes have seen, there is not much to say. And the ties that bind those guys together speak for themselves.
I spoke this week to a gentleman named "Bob." He was headed out for a winter trip immediately after we got done with his vehicle. The man told me that he needed to be in some part of California by the end of next week. When I asked why, he told me that he had some friends out there, six of them, they were getting together for his 81st birthday. He hadn't seen some of them in ten years.
I can tell you that if I haven't seen somebody in 10 years, I am not likely to drive a few thousand miles, especially at 80 years old to do so. Except. They had been in the war together. How many time have you heard the phrase "you put your life in this guy's hands" from a veteran? While Hollywood has maybe been guilty of using the phrase to the point of vanity, to a veteran it really means something.
And what you find out as you look around is that it is not just veterans. There is a country song out right now that expresses the same sentiment about high school football. You will not find a Police Officer or a Firefighter who doesn't know what it feels like.
But the rest of us. The rest of us never knew. Because of these guys we lived at that time in a world that was safe. Was indestructible. Was impermeable. We were Americans, we were a superpower. Remember Operation Desert Storm? Remember the way we puffed our chests out at the sight of our troops running bulldozers and tanks across the desert? The power we all felt at our almost uncontested Dominance of the world? We were untouchable. We knew we were. Think of your own lifestyle in the late 80's and early 90's. Remember No Fear clothes? Exactly my point.
Have you really felt that way since this happened? This is the impact that I believe this event has had on our nation. We are the biggest, most wealthy, most powerful, most benevolent, and most diplomatic country on the planet.
But if you never understood what it was to be part of this nation, remember this. Remember that we lost a few average airplanes, and 2996 people from this planet, and you feel the way that you feel every time that you think about it. Remember how small those numbers really are. Remember the enormous impact that they have had. Because that is the way that we declare victory over these hateful people. By remembering.
I don't know about you, but i am thankful every day for those who protect us. I am thankful for our troops. for our civil servants. All of them. I Am Thankful for those men and women who have traveled to other places and seen war firsthand for me. and for you.
And mostly, I am thankful for the spirit of this country. For the culture of this people. And for our gifts of integrity, courage, and strength.
May we never forget how important this day has been, and how much it has strengthened us.
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